Abosulutely Exhausted....................

All day and all night I have POURED over that manual.
My eyes are crossing I'm so exhausted and the answers are just jumbled together at this point.
I'm going to stop studying now and go to sleep for a few hours. Then when I wake I'm going to fuel my car and go take the test and hope for the best.

If I fail it and have to re-test if they schedule me to re-take it on a day I'm working- I'll take that day off.

I'll be SO glad when this day is OVER!!!!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

Oops-He Did It Again!!!

I know you guys are probably getting tired of hearing me talk about this subject- but once again.......

Well, the stupid dog did it again...ate ANOTHER pair of my shoes. AND he REALLY messed up yesterday. He chewed thru a cable to the Home Theatre system as well. Paulius has taken over his "training" and as far as I can see there hasn't been much of an improvement.....Barney seems to ignore and annoy him as much as he was ignoring and annoying me. Anyway- Paul beat his arse with the shoe he chewed up and yelled at him about the cable he chewed as well.

Well, at any rate I have exactly TWO pair of shoes left. My work shoes and my sneakers. If he chews either of those pair up he's gone- no ifs ands or Buts and no amount of excuses will keep him here. I don't make enough money to replace all the stuff he is destroying.

Anyway....on to other stuff...

I passed the pre-test that I had to re-take yesterday. Passed it with a 92% score!!
Yay!!!!. And not a MINUTE too soon- the BIG test is on Thursday afternoon at 1:30. So my next two days will consist of :

Tonight(Wed)- studying/reviewing the NEW manual I just got last week. I'll be studying it at WORK tho since tonight and Thursday night are the only nights I'm scheduled to work this week- (ain't THAT a BUMMER!!!!!)

Tomorrow morning I'll come in and sleep til about 11 and then get up and study another hour before I go in to take the Certification Test which will last until 4PM. And I fully intend o take every minute of that time to take that test because it's an open book test and if I fail it I'll have to shell out 80 bucks out of my OWN pocket to re-test. Besides- I only have to pass the certification with a 75% or better score, so as long as I've been in law-enforcement I should be able to get THAT much without the book..........don't ya think?
Anyway, if I don't re-test within 60 days I can't work at the site I work at now and will be transferred to a NON-medical site.
And dammit- I LIKE it where I am now.
Great people- Great hours-Great location-even if it IS 20 miles away from home it's still on the East-side of town and no-one really has to worry about being mugged on the way to their car(mainly because not only is it a nice neighborhood but I accompany almost everyone to their vehicles on my shift).
And then- after he test, I'll probably just go on in to work because I have to be there at 5:30P and by the time I go back home it'll be time to just turn around and go BACK on the road to work anyway. No sense wasting gas(not with it at these prices) and especially no sense in all that driving in Rush hour traffic when I'm halfway to my job at the test site.

I just wish we could get our test scores the day we TAKE the certification test like we did the PRE-test. But no- they have to be mailed off and scored and in a week or so we get notification if we passed or failed. THEN we get our certificate and our pin. Oh- and let's not forget our PAY-RAISE as well!!!!

Anyway..........that's it for today.......have a few things to do and then I'm off to the races(aka work).

Wish me LUCK- I'll need as much as I can get.

Busy-Busy.

Finally a day off!!

I better enjoy it tho cause I'm working some extra hours this week as well as taking my pre- certification test and the BIG certification test as well(If I pass the pre-test, that is.)!!

I'm predicting that by the time my long weekend rolls around I'll be ready to just kick back and relax and do a WHOLE lot of nothing.

Well anyway.....I came in from work this morning and re-tiled our bathroom floor. I have a couple of other projects in the works too before my in-laws visit next month, but that bathroom was at the very TOP of my to-do list!
So now it has a nautical theme with a green and white marbled tile floor.
And it looks SO much better than it did before with that UGLY off-white floor covering.
Now I KNOW white looks all nice and sleek and clean......but off white never looks quite right to me....it just looks dingy.
YUK!

I should have taken a before and after pic.
:-p

Anyway.....I'm off to do some more "stuff".

Wish me luck!

Time goes On.......

You know.....this past week has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me.
A lot of physical stuff- but a lot more emotional stuff.

It's a hard line to follow- family and friends, that is.
I've felt torn between three people that I dearly love in the past week.

One has a heart of gold but kind of expects to be in control of everything when they do so.
One just has had a run of bad luck no matter what they try to do to make things better.
And one just isn't used to the drama that is my life and can't understand why I let it go on.

I've been so upset that I've started smoking again. A LOT. And I haven't done that in ages. Not in this way.
I want to talk to these people about what's going on and how torn I feel, but to do so would only cause even more drama and altho I try and act normal, it's the last thing I actually AM. I'm on the brink of a complete emotional breakdown and don't know how to get things back on track.

I'm taking my meds like I'm supposed to- but they only work so much- and to be honest I want to be able to function without having to take them for much longer. I've actually been trying to wean myself off them- taking only half of the dosage I actually should, but then something happens to trigger another panic attack or some major stress related thing happens and I'm back to regular dosage.

I need to learn to be more assertive, to be able to tell people what I want instead of letting them tell me what I should and shouldn't and am and am not going to do.

I need to learn to tell people that I Love my family and would do anything for them- even if it means putting myself out sometimes-it's what families do when they care for each other and need help.

And I need to learn to tell people that altho I appreciate their kindness and understanding and help, that doesn't give them the right to just be able to tell me how things are going to go in my life.

And I sincerely hope that things get better for the person with the long run of bad luck....I KNOW how they feel- I had one myself for many long years before finally finding the stability and normalcy I was looking for. But even so- I can still use a LOT more in my life and I hope they can find it as well.

We all have to grow up- we all have to make it on our own, but we all need others help and understanding from time to time.
But sometimes circumstances dictate what happens in my life- and in the lives of the ones I love as well.

God help us all.

Six Flags Got NOTHING On MY Life.

Christ, this has been a roller-coaster of a day.

It has went from one extreme to the other in the space of about two hours.
My nerves are shot.


I need a drink......or ten.

Pass It On........

I was recently listening o a podcast with Paulius as we were riding down the road.

One of the subjects the guys were talking about was birthday gifts and how sometimes people will make a "gift/donation" in your name to a charitable foundation/organization.

I have a BIG problem with that idea.

First of all, I don't get a gift.
JUST KIDDING............!!!!!!

The real objection I have to that idea is that most of those things are for things like a "goat for a third world family"...or some other foreign good.
No- I would MUCH rather you call me up and ask me what charity you should make the check out to.

While I feel for the innocent children in the third world countries, I have more sympathy for the homeless and hungry here in my own country. Give to THEM instead. Make a check out to the local food pantry or actually go to the supermarket or one of the super-saver ones like Save-a-lot or Aldi or Poor Richards and BUY a load of canned goods and staples and bring it to the food pantry or the local soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

Or you could find a family thru the church or school and sponsor those children for school supplies or Christmas gifts.

I also have a soft spot for Cancer Research. I have lost so many good friends and family members to that horrible disease. Nothing would please me more than helping with stamping out that horrible disease. Or ANY disease for that matter.

It kills me to see a homeless person on the street corner with a sign that says "Will work for FOOD". Knowing I'm two paychecks away from being there myself and knowing I can't help them but seeing the hopelessness and pain in their eyes. There are a lot of fakers out there that panhandle for a living instead of getting a real job, but you can tell the difference in the fakers and the truly desperate. There is a look about them...like I said, Hopelessness, Desperation, and Pain. Look in their eyes. And say a prayer for them even if you can't do anything more.

And if you give a gift like that for me- put it in memory of my son Clayton Howe and his brother Frank, who is still out there helping when he can.
They're the person who would stop and help someone stranded on the side of the road even if it made him late for work and took money out of his pocket.
They're the person who would give his own lunch to the "will work for food" person standing on the street corner.
They're the person who would give his umbrella to the person waiting in the rain for the cops to show up at an accident site.
They're the one who would stop when he saw a man hitting a woman or trying to drag her by the hair to the car.

So much can be done to help others every single day. Just look around. You'll not have to look far to find someone in need.

What a WEEK!!!

My B/P is sky high!!!

I got woke up BOTH days I had to work this week by a "Male-Idiot-Co-Worker" who called me at 2PM to give me a message which could have EASILY waited til I got to work to be delivered to me.
The first time I let it slide because I figured the co-worker was excited about the news. But then yesterday when it happened again, I was PISSED.
I don't like for my professional life and my personal life to cross-over. I have only 3 friends from work that I have given my home phone number to because we are very good friends(All FEMALE btw) and to be honest I wouldn't have minded a tiny BIT had THEY called me at home for a chat. I adore my friends and they know that I sleep til just before I come back in to work and they have enough respect and love for me that they don't call me when I work.

BUT- the co-worker that called me was NOT one of the friends I had given my number to. HE got it off the emergency call-list at work.

So, when I came in with the mother of all headaches from being woke up like that and on two and a half hours sleep, I calmly asked him if our boss-man had asked/told him to call me and give me those messages.
And when he said no-he just took it upon himself to call, I very calmly explained to him that if he ever called me at home again unless it was an emergency or our boss-man SPECIFICLY TOLD told him to call me and give me a message BEFORE I came to work, I would come to work, rip off his arm and beat him to death with it.
Then he wanted to ARGUE about it saying he thought I MIGHT be awake by then......and I got PISSED and told him to use his freaking brain.......It was like me calling HIM up at 2AM when he had to come in to work at 6AM and assuming he MIGHT be up at that time of night/morning just because he had been off work since 6PM!!!!

NO!!! Don't be stupid- just DON'T CALL ME AT HOME!!!!!!

I thought the receptionists were going to fall in the floor when I told him off.
I know it was EXTREMELY unprofessional to do it, but if he hadn't tried to JUSTIFY it with a stupid argument like I "MIGHT have been awake" I just couldn't help myself....My Mouth ran away with me before my brain could stop it. MIGHT does NOT allow for a phone call at that time of day when I have to work and you can easily give me the message when I get here.

He IS an idiot.


I'm hurting so bad right now ....my tummy feels like a giant is twisting it in his hands. I HATE when I'm hurting like this.

Our phone is OUT at the moment, too. I came home from work and went to my moms cardiologist with her and then the bank.....(she tried to get a loan and was turned down because she is deceased)........lol- yep the Equifax company has her listed as deceased so she had to go to the bank and straighten that out.
My mom is so funny, all day long every time I said something to her she would say "I don't have to answer that- I'm DEAD!".....hahahahahha. At least she can afford to have a sense of humor about the situation. It'll take a couple weeks to fix the problem but it should be fixed soon and she isn't worried a bit.....annoyed, yes....but not overly concerned-YET.
LOL-
Anyway, then I came home from THAT and I had to stay up and awake cause the Charter repairman was scheduled to come by and check our phone modem between 1 & 6 PM....and guess what? He STILL hasn't got here yet.....at 7PM which means my phone probably won't get
looked at until Monday.

At least the "Male-Idiot-Co-Worker" won't be calling me on my days off and waking me up, eh?
;-)

Hope all you have a GREAT weekend!!!!