Brrrrrr........

No snow here last night- not even a flurry, dammit.

But it's definitely cold here now- about 33 degrees.

My fingers are numb. My toes are numb. My BUTT is numb.
Hell, I think my HAIR is numb at this point.

And don't y'all people in the Iced and Snowed up states be telling me all about how I don't KNOW what cold is and how y'all got ice storms and all cause I'm not there and it's all about ME being cold.
Cold is Cold. There are no DEGREES of cold when I am numb from the cold.

I'm taking my gown back to the consignment shop this evening.
The train is still wet about two inches from the end- but if it's not dry by dinnertime I'll see about drying it with my hair dryer before I go.

Tonight for dinner Paul is making ME cook since he INSISTS that he cooked for me yesterday before I went to work. And technically he's right...he did cook for us and then I went off and forgot it in the fridge like i usually do when i have something made to take for lunch at work.
I say that technically since I didn't eat it doesn't count as him making dinner for me- but he insists it DOES- so we're at an impass.
And I'm hungry so I'm making Beef Stroganoff and Chocolate Cobbler. Warm me up kinds of food.
And yes- it may be a boxed version of Stroganoff, but I "fix" it by adding seasonings and extra sour cream to the convenience food- so it COUNTS as "from Scratch".
And the Chocolate Cobbler is TOTALLY from scratch.

Have you ever HAD Chocolate Cobbler?
Some call it Mud Pudding.
Kids LOVE it.
Chocoholics love it.
Therefore, I love it.
Yum.

When I eat it and warm up- then I will have sympathy for you people in those iced and snowed up states because then i will be warm.



I'm sorry- see what a BITCH I become when I am miserable????
Look over me, Y'all.
Please.

Got Recipes????

I Googled Hobo Packets and found this little gem of a site!! Southern Plate.
Frugal and Tasty- her recipes are a delight for both your wallet AND your taste-buds.

I liked her so much I put it on my Bloglist and plan on going there often.
Too bad I didn't find her last month- she has a Mini Boston Creme Pie recipe that would have been SOOOO great for Paul's Birthday Profiteroles instead of that mangled mess I tried. I WILL be trying it again using HER version tho.....I'll let you know how it comes out.

But now I'm off to make Hobo Packets.
Delish!!!!!!!

Family May Want To Skip Reading This One.....

Okay, so last night Paul and I were sitting around goofing off (something we rarely get to do because we worry so much about crap we can do nothing about).
I LOVE it when I can totally flabbergast my reserved Brit hubby and render him speechless, so after a few minutes of quiet I mischievously glanced over at Paul and casually suggested that "you should get me "Likkered up" and take advantage of me tonight."


The Look on his face was priceless!! Oogied him out something AWEFUL, it did.

So this morning we wake up- I've completely forgotten about it...and almost the first thing out of his mouth in his very best Billy-Bob Thornton "SlingBlade" voice was "You Ortter get me likkered up and take advantage uh me ter-night....it'd go real good with sum 'em 'air freench-fried taters.....Uhhhh -huhhhh."

I was the one flabbergasted then. EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! GROSSSSSSS!!!!
He does know how to turn the tables on me when I get his goat. I won't be doing THAT to him again.
LMAO-
Touch'e, baby....Touch'e.

Time To Say Goodbye

To my wedding gown, that is.

I tried to say goodbye back before the holidays but it wouldn't let me.

I had taken it to the uptown consignment shop and hadn't really looked at it since I had had it cleaned and had put it back in the bag the week after getting back from our honeymoon in Moose-pooh, Montana. It seems it somehow sneaked a tiny streak of stain on it somehow, even tho it had been hanging in the back of the closet in the bag for almost four and a half years. Tina called me and asked if I realized it had the stain on it and suggested I come up and look at it before deciding what to do with it.

So I went and when we pulled it out and sure enough there was a stain on it-in the folds and it went all the way down thru the 9 layers of organza and silk to the underskirt. And horror of horrors- there were also PIT satins under the arms. GROSS!!!!

I was at a loss at what to do about it tho- the gown had been dry-cleaned(supposedly) and I doubted after four years of the stains setting in it would do any good to have it cleaned again(even at a different cleaner) and it cost almost $200 to have it cleaned the first time because it was so huge as you can see from the photo here on the blog. We had decided that $350 was a fair price to set for it in a consignment shop- (it cost $2,450 originally and I paid $1900 for it on sale) and she keeps 10% of the sale price so it really wasn't worth the time and money to have it dry-cleaned again.We discussed it and I decided I would try and figure out what to do with it and call to let her know later- after the holidays. I had too much going on during the holidays to do anything before then.

So, a couple of weeks ago Paul and I were in Ingles or Wally World- I can't remember which- and I saw a small container of OXYCLEAN- yeah- the stuff that Billy whatever his name is that Paul detests his adverts because he's always excited and yelling trying to tell you how GREAT HIS PRODUCT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, this particular product IS that GREAT.

I fully intended to take the gown to a launderette and put it in a jumbo front loading washer and then add the stuff to see if it worked. BUT- then I read the instructions on how to use it- and it needs to be added to the water before adding the clothing to the water. Can't do THAT with a front loading washer and that's the only size washer that the gown would fit in without it either ruining the delicate materials of the gown or the washing machine being overloaded and it tearing up the washer. So again, I was stumped.

Then last night, I got a brilliant idea. I had nothing to lose- if the gown didn't get cleaned I was going to just have to either trash it because it was unsaleable with the stains on it or put it back in the closet to use for something(God knows WHAT unless I dyed it black for a goth wedding and sold it that way or maybe as a halloween costume but I HATED that idea for my WEDDING GOWN) but either way I was getting NO or not much money for it. So I went into the bathroom- ran some HOT HOT water in the tub and filled it 3/4 full and added the OXYCLEAN and a tiny bit of detergent and then added the wedding gown to the mix. I made sure all of the wedding gown was immersed, then hand agitated it and watched in amazement as the most visible stains under the arms disappeared before my very eyes. I agitated it for about 5 minutes and then let it soak for abou 10 more minutes and then let the water out and refilled it with more hot water and rinsed it. Then I let it drain for a few minutes and then I hung it up on the shower curtain rod to let it drip dry.

I looked this morning and it's all dry except for the two inches of gown that are at the very end of the gown. And it looks beautiful!!!!! So, soon as it dries completely- I'm off to take it back to the shop. And that should FINISH paying for our car.
A very fair trade I would say.

So......... if you have a stain or just want your laundry brighter or can't seem to get the dinginess out of your whites- Get some OxyClean. It worked for me.
See, No yelling....just a testimonial in a normal "voice".

Parallel Parking

Parallel parking is one of the more difficult things for drivers to master. Even seasoned drivers sometimes can't get it right.

We went out driving for a while this afternoon and dropped by the DMV so Paul could practice for a few minutes.

I was fully expecting an afternoon of nerve wracking lunacy on BOTH our parts.

What actually happened?.... I tried it first in the new car & aced it then turned it over to Paul for a go.
His First time- not even close...Second time- almost perfect......Third time-he barely clipped the curb trying to get it JUST PERFECT...........Fourth, Fifth and Sixth time- Absolutely Perfect.

Then coming home- my blood pressure shot up-my blood sugar dropped like a stone- and I got a splitting migraine that made me so nauseous I couldn't hold my head up and Paul ended up driving all the way home after stopping to get me something to eat to raise my blood sugar.

(NO- this has NOTHING to do with Paul's driving- it just happens very quickly like that sometimes when I get migraines. One minute I'm fine- the next-literally- I'm completely incapacitated.)

Now my B/P is back down to normal and my blood sugar is back up to normal, but the migraine is still going on altho it has eased a bit.

I'm SO glad my hubby can drive now.

Redneck Ettiquette and the English Language

Redneck Etiquette PERSONAL HYGIENE: 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewellery and alter the taste of finger foods. DINING OUT: 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup & pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME: 1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his manners are. DATING (Outside the Family): 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00pm; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATRE ETIQUETTE: 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS: 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE: 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while travelling in a funeral procession. TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS: 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language that most of us share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn: 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. If the rule is "I before E, except after C", why isn't the word weird spelled wierd? P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

10 Things-January

10 GOOD Things That happened for me last month.....

1) It rained like a dog for a couple of days and the roof didn't leak.

2)It snowed some flurries but didn't stick and make a big honking mess to drive in.

3) I got in a bit of overtime at work and that meant having a bit of extra money instead of just squeaking by.

4) We were offered a better car and got rid of the deathtrap we had.

5) I lost a few pounds.

6)I got lots of massages from my hubby.

7)I got to read a great new(new to me, anyway) vampire book series.

8)I started writing a new book- now I have 4 in the works and I switch off working on them when I get writers block for any given one.

9)I went to the salon and had a shampoo, cut and style-something I very RARELY do for myself- and it only cost me 15 dollars!!! How great is that??(But then- I only had my hair trimmed an inch so there wasn't too much actual CUTTING involved.) ;-)

10) My hubby had a birthday AND got his drivers permit so He drives most of the time now.

All in all- I'd say it was an AWESOME month!!!!!!
********************************************
A cute little something I found.........I may try a couple of these myself.

Top 10 Answering Machine Messages

Number 10
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Number 9
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

Number 8
This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling... and I'll think about returning your call.

Number 7
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Number 6
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

Number 5
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

Number 4
Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

Number 3
Hi. Now YOU say something.

Number 2
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Answering Machine Message...
Hello, you've reached Angela and Seal. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Angela likes doing it up and down, with her socks on and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.