Hmmmmmm.....
My co-worker friend and I have sat here as we ate lunch together reading some of my posts thru the years...(God that sounds odd- have I REALLY been blogging for YEARS?...I have.)......when I came to a sudden realization..........
I was much more interesting when I first started blogging.
No two ways about it- I had much more interesting things to write about then. I could somehow twist the mundane into some semblance of humor.
But as the years have passed, my world has changed....things have happened that brought my world crashing down about my ears and it shows in my writing.
I wonder if I have changed in REAL life that much as well? I suppose Paul could answer that better than I can. I'm not nearly as objective about me as he is but if I had to answer that question, I personally would have to honestly say I HAVE changed a lot in the five years we've been together- and a lot of it is probably NOT for the better.
Even to myself, I seem more jaded, more critical of the world and the people who are around me. I seem to have less patience with everything- and it's not something I'm very proud of.
I don't want to be that .....I mean THIS person. I want to be the sweet girl Paul fell in love with, not the whiner and witch I seem to have morphed into lately. I have lots of good things in my life to be happy about, too. Things to appreciate and celebrate. I wanna be fun and laughing again.
I'm just not sure how to get back to that point. I need Sunshine in my life again. Is there any way to get her back, do you think?
Any suggestions?...............Anyone?
5 comments:
I don't think you're a whiner! You're Little Miss Sunny Sunshine :-)
LOL- Thanks Kelly. I like your perception of me.......unfortunately it's kinda unrealistic because you don't live with me 24/7 and see me at my worst.......But I still like your take on me.
;-)
I knew there was a reason I made you one of my chosen sisters!!!
Well, honey, if you are impatient and negative, you sure hide it well! I frequently wish I had your patient and accepting attitude in dealing with others. Look at all that's happened in the last 5 years of your life. Aren't you maybe entitled to your negative moments? Goodness knows, and anyone, please correct here if I'm wrong, we all have negative thoughts, actions and moments in our lives, it's part of being human. We all have that small part of ourselves that we are not proud of. But you DO NOT allow that to rule your life and attitude, certainly not that I have ever seen. You are the most caring and giving person I think I've ever met. You're stronger than you know. Life is all about changes and coping. I'd be more worried if I were exactly the same person I was 5 years ago. If you're not learning and evolving, you're probably a sad, unhappy person. Celebrate the fact that you're self aware enough to explore your feelings and what you can do to feel better about yourself...!
(getting off soapbox now)
Sea
Thanks sweetie!! Your take on evolving is almost the exact same thing That Evan (Witless Protection Program) said in his blog in response to this post!!
You don't sound like a huge whiner to me. We all have things in our lives that make us different than we were when we were young, and temper us from our youthful exuberance. If you're really unhappy with who you are and where you've gotten to, maybe you could talk to a therapist for a few sessions to help you find your way back again? Sometimes when I notice that I'm being too cynical and down, I force myself to be the exact opposite. After awhile, it's not so forced, and I start feeling differently in a more spontaneous way. Maybe that would help?
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