Getting Better @ Life...

I sit here reflecting on my life so far, and I have to ask myself- Am I Getting Better at Life?

I think in some areas I am.... I'm a bit more cautious about taking on challenges, but if it's something I am determined to do, I certainly will take it on.

I have improved my housekeeping skills most certainly. I'm not sure why I thought that my partner and i would share all the responsibilities in our lives- call me naive or whatever, but when I was young I always thought that if a couple married or lived together- Life would be a big party of getting up together, going to our jobs, coming home and sharing cooking duties and taking care of the kids- swapping off chores- and during the weekends, sharing yard work, doing projects around the house and having a blissful time. The American Dream, right? And when things didn't go the way I thought all my life that they would, I balked and went on strike. Why was I doing all the housework and keeping the cars up and the yard-work when I had a partner that was just as capable as me?
Yeah- since then I've learned that's not the way it works. The way it actally works is- You get up, go to work, come home and then the woman works her ass off while partner gets a much deserved rest with his feet propped up for the rest of the evening.
At the moment I'm not working at a paying job- and doing most of the housework only seems fair- for now. But before this husband- my partners would do absolutely DICK ALL around the house. No matter I was working too- The house was MY responsibility- as were the kids(fair enough- they were MY kids after all and ultimately my total responsibility), but the cars and the the home repairs and remembering where everything is and always being responsible for knowing where everything is at all times- all the shopping- ME.
I dont know- but I'm pretty darned sure I didnt get married to have another child to look after- I got married because I loved and trusted that my partner would stand BY me- not sit down and let me carry the entire loads while he supervised and I highly suspect that's why those relationships didnt work out longer than a few years.
Present hubby and I have been married for 15 years come May and known each other for 20 come October. I'm not sure it's because it's that perfect or if it's because I finally decided to just live my life as tho I was alone on a deserted island and it is all up to me- but some things are taken care of by a magic helper. Either way, I'm happier with the status quo...He goes off to a job every day(until I get working- then we both will again), he pays the bills, I ask him once in a while to take out the bin bags and he does at least one load of laundry every weekend and hoovers occasionally without me even having to ask for help. He takes care of his G-pig (That was the deal tho- I didn't want a rodent as a pet but told him if he wanted one he was going to be SOLELY responsible for it all- cleaning the cage, bathing it, feeding and watering it. I dont like it- I dont go near it- except if he's laying in the cage and I think he might have died- That's happened twice to me- and yes I cried and once even had to call hubby home from work to take care of it cause I was so upset. I may not like them, but I do get sad when anything dies- even throwing out a dead plant upsets me.) If anything NEEDS doing and I need help- I know I can count on hubby to do it if I ask for help. I do try to be as self sufficient as possible tho. And while I'm not working I look for jobs and I keep the house tidy and I have his dinner waiting(or close to being done) when he comes in from work. We are good together. That part of my life is on point.
Some Other Areas, not so much.
I'm not living the healthiest lifestyle I could be. I do try to cook healthily, I know for a fact, tho, I don't get nearly the activity I need to during the day. I do a workout for at least 30 minutes a day- but I should do double that at least. I imagine I would be able to shift this weight if I did- and I will try to do as soon as the weather gets better over here where I live. Right now we have gale force winds and lashing rain and temps still near freezing so I'm not chancing going out and breaking my foot in 3 places again like I did a few years back. I visit the doctor way too often as it is without adding to it. I'm overweight, I have high blood pressure, I'm in the Type 2 Diabetic range and am hypoglycemic, I have arthritis in my hips and leg joints and I have gawd awful migraine headaches that put me in bed for a couple of days at a time. But I'm working on getting all that under control.

I have good relationships with all my family members- ACED that one!!

I have lots of interests. I bake, crochet, draw, paint, love to decorate, re-arrange furniture, craft, sew, do flower arrangements, I do a bit of photography now and then, and am learning to speak Italian and to play the banjo.
I love to write- I have three blogs and presently am working on writing four books- all in progress at the moment. I also have accounts with Facebook in which I admin several groups and pages, along with an account with Insta, Twitter and Snapchat -altho I rarely use the Insta or Snapchat.

I try to keep as busy as possible because I also have serious depression. Brought on by several things. I lost my dad and my son within less than two years of each other. I've lost a home- one that was custom built to my specifications- and that incident contributed to some pretty serious trust issues in my life for sure....I've lost a job recently- from the first and only company I could see myself retiring from(but that wasn't meant to be, apparently). And I'm having a much more difficult time of finding another job than I thought I would. I'm 3500 miles away from my family-I really only have one friend over here and I dont drive anymore. I also lost two of my "adopted sons"-they were actually my best friend's sons who were as much as part of my family as a blood family member. I've known them since they were born and all our kids grew up together side by side like siblings.

I'm becoming a hermit.There are days I dont want to get out of bed- and sometimes I just dont. There are times I dont feel like talking with anyone- and some days I dont. There are some days I cry all day- And there are some days I just want to give up..... just go to sleep and never wake up- but on those days- I force myself to get up and do something- anything, because otherwise I know I'm lost.
I tell myself I am Strong- that this is NOT the worst day I have ever had- And I can make it thru this one- just like I did yesterday and the day before. And I will tomorrow. I am Goddess. I am Valkyrie. I am the daughter of strong people. I have a strong support system, people who love and care and will "talk me off the ledge", so to speak.
And so I go on. One foot in front of the other...

So....... in the grande scheme of things- I'd have to say yes- I am getting better at life... or at least working my way round it's obstacles.

And that's good enough- for now.