Thursday, June 30, 2005


-I keep hitting the "Favorites" key and all that happens is stuff comes up on the computer screen.

So far none of my "favorites" have actually apperaed in front of me-

No Chocolates from Belgium
No fish & chips
No double cheeseburgers from McDonalds
No strawberry marguritas
No new Venus swimsuits
No leather pants
No boots or shoes
No cup of Irish Creme coffee
No hugs from hubby when he isn't here
No kidney-shaped in-ground pool in the back yard
No shiny new sports-car in the driveway
No call from the doctor saying "Guess what- You're gonna have a baby"
Nobowl of snow-cream
No 12 foot Christmas tree in the living room with all the smells of Christmas that goes with it.
No bank statement saying I have a million dollars in my account and they are raising the interest drew on it.

I still keep clicking on it tho-...It does contain alot of smiles in that list of blogs and things it does pull up.

Damned if you do- Damned if you don't.

I've been blogging way too much about things I get pissed about lately- and I gotta stop that.

But there is one last one I gotta do before I go on to better things.

Don't you just freaking HATE when your job sucks?
I do- and the sad thing is I can't quit right now.

I have to have surgery on my wrist and there is NO way I can afford the surgery on my own without the insurance coverage from work.

Luckily, I got a call from the Doctors office today and they have moved my surgery up a week- so after the 18th of July I can start looking for another job again.

I hate when you try to get things done at work and you can't do it for the things your bosses put in place that not only add to but get in the way of you doing your job.
When you try to go thru the proper channels it stops at a certain point- and if you finally GET results and someone actually listens to you- you get bitched at for not following proper "CHAIN-OF-COMMAND" which you DID, but instead of the higher-ups following chain of command in the REVERSE direction- they come directly back to you and make it look like you didn't follow protocol. Then YOU get bitched at about it. And then you have to spend an hour explaining all the proper proceedure you DID go thru before getting any results.Usually they call you in to explain yourself AFTER you have clocked out for the day so you end up not getting paid for that extra time, too.

I just follow protocol- where it goes after me isn't my concern or responsibility after that- UNLESS I see that I am being completely ignored and it is making me look like an ass and THEN I WILL go to the top of the tree and chain-of-command be damned. But IF I do that- I freely admit to it and take the consequenses- GLADLY.
I just hate when crap like that happens.

You're damned if you do- damned if you don't.

Some days I just want to throw in the damn towel and tell 'em to all go screw themselves.

End of Rant- Thank you so much for listening.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Back From The Pit Of Hell- Maybe


Just coming off a mega-migraine today.
Had it for two days.

For those of you who say- OH quit whining- it's only a headache- let me describe some of the symptoms of a migraine- and some of the causes.

Number one on the list is smells-
Perfume or cologne are the number one culprits, altho almost any smell can trigger them.Instantanious nausea-sometimes actual vomiting and a throbbing in the eyes and temples that feel like a conga line at full volume.

You can't move to go throw up because if you move you feel like you will pass out from the pain of the headache.

Number two is light.
Any light shined for even a second in the eyes-(headlamps on autos- sunlight glinting off chrome- a lamp switched on in direct line of vision)-same results- painful stabbing pain for a couple of seconds- then the nausea and then the throbbing.

Number three is sounds-
A bass turned up too loud in the car three back from you at the stoplight is enough to set a migraine off. Only this time, the THROB is usually what starts off first- the the stabbing pain and then nausea. It at least gives you time to pull over before you throw up with sounds.

Number four-
Temperature changes-
Out of an air-conditioned building into the heat of summer- Instant migraine. I don't know why- but this is one of the most painful ones for me- next to smells.

With migraine headaches you ache all over- your skin is sensitive to everything around you- sometimes even the breeze blowing over your skin is like being sandblasted- your very nerve endings are just THAT sensitive. You don't want to be touched- you don't want to talk-you don't want to listen- you don't want to BREATHE! YOU-JUST-WANT-THE-PAIN-TO-STOP!!!!

When the headache grabs you- it holds tight. You never know if it's gonna last two hours- or two weeks.
I have meds for them- but nothing works except the meds that knock me out for 12 hours- or the ones that make me loopy and unable to work or drive while I'm on them.

Best non- med way I have found to deal with them is turn off all the lights, turn on the A/C(yep-even in the winter)the colder the better, keep everything as silent as possible-, put an ICE cold washcloth over my eyes and breathe very gently with a fan blowing on just my face- even with the A/C on. If I catch them early enough, after about 4 or 5 hours I usually am good as new. Unless I see light- or hear a sound- or smell anything.............

Then it's back to the pit of hell......again.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Presenting Padme.

As promised, a couple pictures of the new kitty:

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Not Until we get our OWN Place.

We have discussed this before.
We had a cat- we had a puppy- we had to give the puppy back to my son- he missed him. The cat- Malibu- decided she wanted to be a bitch- first she refused to come out of HER bathroom unless she could see the bottom of her feed bowl- then she decided she hated us both and ran outside to live- despite the fact she has been de-clawed. And she is surviving very nicely. She hunts- and catches stuff- and then hangs around my daughters house, my mums house, AND our house for all the table scraps.

We have fish(altho it seems not for long) and that's MORE than enough for me right now......I would LOVE to have another pet- but I REALLY REALLY want to get our own house before we get one. I ideally want a kitten and a puppy.

So we agreed- no more pets until we get our own Place.

We went to my son's home today for a visit. Had a nice long visit and chat....and when we started to leave my hubby spied a mama cat and her long haired Ginger kitten under the porch. Awwwwwwww- look at it...........

We are now the proud owners of the Ginger colored kitten who we have named "Padme'.
Yes- as in Star Wars.

And I AM glad we took her home.

I absolutely REFUSE to get a puppy before we move into our own place, tho- and thats THAT-

I MEAN it.

That's me putting my foot down........I don't care how many sad puppy doggy eyed looks I get- from the puppy OR the husband.

Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to just LOOK at them.........

Friday, June 24, 2005

End Of Days.....Holidays, That Is


I have learned a sad truth today..... My week of Holiday is almost over- and much quicker than I thought.
I thought today was Thursday- Paulius informed me it was Friday.


So- I thought to cheer me up I would write down every thing we did so far-

*We went on our infamous Little Adventure to North Carolina during a severe thunderstorm where we promptly got lost. God- that was FUN.
*We went and bought a kiddy pool and have sunned and played in it a couple times.

*I napped when I wanted for as LONG as I wanted.
*I ate WHEN I wanted and as little as i wanted.
*I have not washed a dish all week(yes- they have been done).
*I have done only one load of laundry all week(the bed linens and the towels).
*I have watched HGTV to my hearts content and when I have not been watching that- Have watched a HEAP of DVDs, Tapes, and TV movies and went to the movie theatre to boot!
The list: (specially for you, Cindy)
Batman Begins
Star Wars Episode III
Star Wars Episode I
The Grudge
Ladder 49
Wrong Turn
Without a Paddle
Our Wedding DVD
Dirty Dancing
Full Monty
Finding Nemo
Sharks Tale
Fast & Furious
9&1/2 Weeks
TV Movies-
Too many to remember them all- about a dozen.
I also watched the SI Swimsuit model search- about 6 hours of it last night.
Talk about inspiring a person to get their butt back on their diet and excersize regime!!!

And making plans to go on holiday in BORA BORA.
That must be Polynisian for Double Paradise.
I have never seen anywhere so beautiful and serene.

Paulius has been absolutely wonderful this week- Spoiled me absolutely ROTTEN, he has. Cooked for me- done basicly whatever I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it- came up with some great suggestions of things to do to help me relax- let me sleep and fielded all the phone calls and visitors when I was trying to rest so I wasn't disturbed. He is the best husband EVER!!!

Well, I have a couple days left- altho I consider this just my regular weekend off- so I had better go and make the MOST of the REST of it. Time to go do what I have most loved this week- snuggling with Paulius.

Have a GREAT weekend all!!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I'm Better at Internet Than Real Life

I really am.

It's so odd.

I don't get it.
I am friendly and sociable in real life. So why don't i interact with real live people like i do with people I meet over the net?

I wrote about this before- I have four"friends" in real life- but actually I can't say that because two of those I met thru- you guessed it- the internet.

Hmmmm.... Maybe it's because I am a bit selfish- I can talk to my internet friends when real life doesn't get in the way- and they understand because they are the same way- things to do- everyone making demands on me taking chunks of my time when I have so many things that need taking care of. Internet friends understand that. Real life friends don't. They want your attention NOW and don't understand when you can't give them the attention they demand.

I like my internet friends....I wish I had more time to spend with them.

Someday I am going to win the lottery or publish my book and become a bestselling author and THEN I will have a bit more time to do the things I want.

I promise.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Batman Begins -Review- NOT a Spoiler.

Okay- Batman begins- okay movie-as long as he's in the costume.

The push-up scene was ho-hum.

The TOYS he has to play with...sorry- the WEAPONS(sound more macho now, guys?)-
They are da BOMB and I want every single one of them!!!!!

ESPECIALLY the car altho I imagine I could have more fun with just the costume. ;-)

Still hasn't got a THING on KEATON or KILMER tho.

End of review.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

The Fair Share

Why is it that when we live alone, we do all the chores automaticly. We clean up eveything without question- just because it needs doing.

But when we get married or live with someone(not a room-mate) we automatically begin griping about having to do the exact same things we did before?

Why does it suddenly become a big THING that each does "their fair share"?

I realised hubby and I were crabbing alot at each other about that very thing, and I just started thinking. What difference does it make if he or I takes the dishes to the kitchen at the end of the day? What difference does it make if he or I cook when it's mealtime? What difference does it make if he or I empties the bin?

What difference does it make that I empty the ashtrays even tho I hardly smoke at all? What difference does it make that he does my laundry when he doesn't wear it?

I am just happy we are together and are happy. Those issues are minor insignificant things that make no difference in the grand scheme of our universe and I refuse to bicker about them anymore.

Unless he doesn't do his fair share.


Holiday and Thunderstorms

I remember this feeling now. You know- the feeling of absolute bliss knowing you don't have anywhere you have to be or anything you have to do. Holiday.
So far I have slept, slept, watched three movies, snuggled with my hubby and gone thru two thunderstorms.

I am the BIGGEST baby when it comes to thunder and lightening.
I refuse to go anywhere near the tub, the sink, the telephone(never mind it's a cordless- I don't CARE- it's still electrical)or the toilet when it is storming. My hubby laughs at me when a storm blows up. I figure it evens out- I'm scared to death of thunderstorms- and he hates spiders. I kill spiders and he holds me during the storms.
I don't know what has made me so afraid of thunder and lightening- I don't remember any traumatic event happeniong during a storm during my life- but maybe I'm repressing.

Boy- I am all OVER the palce with this blog aren't I?

That's me today- Spazzy. But I don't HAVE to focus for another week.

I've been trying to lay off the chocolate for the past week. Did good too.
Yep- chocoholic here.

Dang- that Chocolate Tart Serendipity was making for her dad sounds good. Wish I had the recipe. Gotta remember to ask her for it.

Anyway- gotta go- have movies to watch, blogs to read, naps to take....

God- life is good this week!!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Couldn't They Just SAY So???


Got my paycheck last night at the job-site.

It seems that the reason it was so late was we got a raise and it was retro-active from the signing of the contract -so they had to go thru and reconfigure all the hours for the back-pay.

Couldn't they have just SAID so instead of giving us some line of crap about it being the post offices fault?

And they expect their employees to be truthful????

One more night(tonight) and then HOLIDAY for 8 days of BLISS!!



Thursday, June 16, 2005

Damn System- Still No Paycheck.

You know- I hate stuff sometimes- I guess I am just a control freak- I like everything under control, in order, and in my hands.

Take my FREAKING PAYCHECK for instance.......

Where I work we have several options.....We can have it direct deposit- we can have it mailed to our house- or we can have it hand delivered to us at the jobsite . What we CANNOT do is go to the main office and pick it up ourselves.

All four options really SUCK.

First of all. the direct deposit....I HATE DD....It goes directly to your bank account- which means you don't even get the satisfaction of holding the damn check in your hand and looking at it for a few satisfying moments before doling it out to the various people you owe it all to.
Besides- thanks to my late EX- husband, I don't have a banking account because I'm having to pay off the charges he ran up before he died (AFTER we divorced, I might add, but due to legal difficulties I seem to STILL be responsible for them) and left them all to me....Thanks a FREAKING lot.
And besides THAT I hear the people who DO have DD complaining quite regularly that their money is deposited a few days late and that would really throw things off if you have things drafted from your account on certain dates according to your billing dates. Even if you DON'T have them drafted, if it isn't in your account you can't write a check for it. Well, you could, but then that would mean more late fees and overdraft charges not to mention legal charges for fradulent checks and such and I sure as hell wouldn't do that or don't need THAT- I'm trying desperately to get back in the BLACK in my financial life after it was thrown into chaos by idiots.

!!!!!People - MEN & WOMEN-do yourself a HUGE favor- no matter how much you love and trust the person you decide to spend your life with- do the bills together- sit down evey week, every other week- or every month and write the checks and go over the bills TOGETHER- that way you BOTH know all about your financial state.!!!!!

Second- Having it mailed to your home......Sigh...the option I chose because they wouldn't allow it the other way when I first went to work there. I hate this system too. When you have it mailed to your home, you get it on Tuesdays as opposed to getting it on Wednesdays. You get it in the bank or doled out a day earlier than the rest of the people because you are trusting them to get it to you with minimum contact, paperwork and fuss.
In theory it works just fine- and it usually does- but here I am on Thursday and still no check in the mail. No gas, the food-stuffs are running dangerously low and horror of horrors, someone who smokes is running very low on ciggies. Not to mention the bill collectors are calling saying they are WAITING for the money promised them.

So I called the main office thinking there had been some sort of snaffue...... Not there, I was told. Mailed out on Monday as usual, but I was in good company- they had had LOTS of calls about others in the same situation. Not to worry- give it a few days and then call back if it still hasn't arrived.Fine- how about I give YALL the numbers of the people I owe and you just call them up and tell them to hang in there a few more days and then we'll see.

Easy for THEM to say. I have to wait tho because the last time this happened , I told them I needed them to cancel it and then cut me another because I really needed the money they owed me- it took two WEEKS for them to CUT it again. The process is- you call- they tell you to wait a few days. You wait- you call again and say you want another cut- they cancel and THEN tell you it will take two weeks for them to see if the check has been cashed by someone else before they cut another for you.
Bastards- why don't they tell you it will take that long BEFORE they let you decide to do that. Anyway, you only go thru that ONCE before you learn your lesson. And besides- what freaking damn difference does it make if the check has been stolen and cashed by someone else? You still don't have the money and them finding out that it has been stolen and cashed has no impact on the fact that you WORKED you ass off for that money and NEED the money and they expected you to show up every day- which you DID and you earned the damn money and they still OWE you the damn money and you FREAKING NEED it so cut another damn check and gimme it for gods sake if you expect me to keep coming in to work. My car doesn't run on freaking air and I don't have much energy if I don't eat on a semi-regular basis. Sure I wanna lose a bit of weight- but involuntary starvation isn't the way I wanted to go to do it.

Third- the hand delivery system.
I don't like everyone and their brother knowing how much I make in a week nor how much I have made all year. I KNOW it's in an envelope- and we all know how hard it is for someone to pick it up and open that little clasp and just take a quick peek thru them. Don't tell me it's only the supervisors who see them and hand them out either- it's damn well NOT. I work in the office and see just how many envelopes are left out like that- or even put in the "safe""secure" file cabinate with the lock left off and the drawer accidentally opened by all the people looking for something else and inadvertantly opening that envelope by "mistake". Sure mistakes happen- but it doesn't take riffling thru them all for 5 minutes before you realise the mistake and put the envelope back where you got it. I don't guess it hurts anything for them to see it- but we have to sign a document saying we won't discuss how much we earn with other employees and I don't think we should have to do that if evey Tom, Dick, and Sally can just eyeball them when it's NONE of their DAMN business.
I like to keep my private stuff private unless I CHOOSE to tell you or let you know something. Then it's MY choice and my choice ONLY.

Forth- picking it up at the main office-
And WHY can we not go to the main office here in town and pick them up? What the hell would it hurt?
They do the payroll there- and it would be private for the ones who have the time and WANT the privacy to do it that way.

So what if the little secretary doesn't see that particular job listed in her job description- let me tell you something ,honey- we ALL do crap in our jobs that isn't in our job description and are expected to do it and not complain about it. Which I usually do- UNTIL I DON'T GET MY FREAKING PAYCHECK like I SHOULD!


Rant Over- Thank you for listening!

Where the hell did I put my Happy Place?.................I seem to have misplaced it for the moment.......

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Happy Place?

Do you have one?

I went to a hypnotist a couple years back for stress and relaxation techniques and he taught me about finding my happy place.

It was a totally different experience than I was expecting.

I went in and he had a big squishy comfy Lay-Z-Boy recliner and I sat there and we chatted a while about why I was there and what I wanted to get out of this session. Basicly, I was there because my stress level was so high I was beginning to have panic attacks and my blood pressure was sky high and my doctor suggested that I try a hypnotist because he knows I hate to take pills for every little thing. He was concerned about my BP being so high, so we came to an agreement. I agreed to take a daily med for the BP and he agreed to not give me anything for the panic attacks if I could find an alternate way to control them. So off to the hypnotist I went.

After we chatted a while he asked what type music I listened to when I wanted to relax and I told him I liked Classical and Chamber music.
He pulled a few selections up on his computer and I chose a couple of them and he started them playing. I put the foot-rest up on the recliner and he instructed me to close my eyes and begin counting backward from 10 and to take deep breaths in and out- to breathe naturally, but slowly. Then he told me to totally relax and to visualize what he told me to.

Easy enough.

He told me to visualize a place where I thought I could relax, totally....I didn't have to tell him about it- just to visualize it in my own mind.....

My Happy Place is a large lawn(Garden for you Brits). you have to go down a set of stone steps(funny thing is I have no idea where they lead FROM...but that doesn't matter I suppose- the point is you are GOING to your happy place.)

At the landing the steps split into two directions and curve around and down to the main Garden which is a lush, long field of green grass with shade trees and flowering shrubs and LOADS of privacy. There is a stone wall with a fountain built into the wall and two loungers looking out into the distance. No bugs or insects are in the garden to bother you- just the birdies chirping every once in a while and a few butterflies flitting about here and there.

The loungers overlook a lap pool about 100 feet long and 10 feet wide and the water is blue and crystal clear.

The temperature is never too hot, nor too cool and there is always a slight breeze blowing and you can stay there as long as you like with no interuptions from the phone or schedules or ANYTHING.

And the best part is- I can go there anytime I like or feel the need to.

I felt a panic attack coming on today- and I put on a CD of Paulius and mines wedding music"Canon in D" and lay down on the bed and went to my Happy Place for a half hour.
It relaxed me so much.

Then Paulius put on our Reception Music CD and we snuggled for another half hour and that was even MORE relaxing.

I feel pretty relaxed right now. I need to do this more often and not let things get to me so much..

Anyway- my point is- find YOUR happy place. You can do it on your own- you don't NEED a hypnotist to do it. Just a bit of quiet for about 30 minutes or so.

Try it- you won't regret it!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Dinner, Anyone?

Ever sit and watch other people eat a meal?

I do- Not staring or anything, just in the course of the meal....haha....

I eat one bite of every thing on my plate and then have a sip of my drink and start over until it's all gone.

Another person I know, on the other hand, eats every bite of each thing on their plate and takes a sip of drink when they finish each portion.

My dad eats to equalize....he will eat a bite of each thing- sort of like I do, but if he has some of one thing left over he gets another spoonful of the other things to make it equal out evenly.
Of course this can cause the thing he was equalizing up to to run out and then he has to equalize it with the other stuff he just equalized.

It's a difficult process to do- and I have noticed he seems to do it with sweets more than anything.

Another person I know eats all their meats first, then their veggies, then their bread, and finally their dessert and then, and ONLY then do they take a sip of drink.

Most kids, if left on their own, will eat dessert first and then their meats, and then the veggies-unless the veggie happens to be french-fries in which case THEY are eaten first and then the dessert.

I know- I doesn't take much to entertain me, does it?.......

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Humor- The Best Medicine

Having a husband who makes you laugh is the greatest blessing in the world.

I usually come in from work, eat breakfast, shower, and go to sleep. This morning, I skipped breakfast, went straight to the computer and read some blogs, wrote a blog and then crawled into bed. I couldn't go to sleep so my husband roused up and began talking to me- or letting me talk. We started a serious conversation but as time went on it got less and less serious til at the end of it Paulius had me in stitches. I wont go into the topic of conversation- it changed a LOT during that hour and a half and the topics would mean nothing to you but be HIGHLY embarrassing to me - but that man has a sense of humor that the world should know about.
I was crying I was laughing so hard-actually gasping for breath- And it's not just an every once in a while thing he does either- it's practically an everyday thing.
Seriously, (ha ha), he can turn even the most somber of topics into a comedy routine without offending.
Humor-it really IS the best medicine.


Seeing as how things in my life have been so crazy for so long now, I have booked holiday from work. Beginning end of next week, I am going to have nine glorious days of free time to do whatever I want, free from encumberances and interuptions and demands.

Last time off I had was when Paulius and I went on honeymoon. We actually cut our honeymoon a bit short(only by a couple days) to buy new living room furniture instead of finishing out the trip we had planned. We don't regret it a bit- but it was, after all, over a year ago now.

What I really would like to do is go to the Theme Park and ride all the coasters and play in the waterpark all weekend- maybe play a few games of LazerTag, go fishing and lie by the pool ALOT. What we will probally end up doing is catching up on sleep , reading and watching a lot of TV. I am going to try and lose about 10-15 pounds during that time too.
I think I can do it.

I wanna go back to work relaxed, rested, and tanned. Maybe even with a new job offer from the company I applied to.

As you can see, I am very optimistic about holiday. But isn't that what holidays are for? To rejuvinate and restore ourselves?

If I can only make it til then..........and make it thru holiday without a major disaster.....

I can DO this- I know I can.


Someone Else?

I was driving home this morning- and at every stop signal looked at the people in the cars next to me.

I saw some VERY interesting looking people- and I'm being a bit sarcastic here.

Sometimes i let my imagination run away with me- but have you ever looked at someone and said- I wonder what it would be like to live their life for 24 Hours?

Sort of like Quantum Leap-(God that was a GREAT show.)- but in real time instead of in past trying to change future?

With my luck, if I tried it I would go into someones life who was contemplating suicide and was just stepping in front of the train. I'm not sure I like the idea of feeling other peoples emotions instead of my own- not being in control.

If you COULD live someone elses life for a day- who would it be? And Why?

I probally would like to live Paulius life- see how much of a pain in the ass I really am to him sometimes. Maybe it would change my thinking about the way I do some things.....Or maybe not.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Impossible Situations.

I hate them.

Right now I am caught in the middle of two situations-one professional and one personal- and wish it were in my nature to just be able to walk away and ignore them both. Something I'm HAVING to do out of self-preservation- and it is KILLING me.

I hate being torn between doing the right thing and having to sit on a situation and just let it play out.

My headaches have begun coming back because of these situations- and I hate headaches- these migraines especially.

I have been trying to write a bit more on my book,but the thoughts and feelings about the situations I am thrown into now are bringing out a feel to the story that is dark and to be honest, is scaring the hell out of me. I don't like the dark brooding part of me that begins to rear it's head when I am placed in situations like this. I get angry that I am in the situations and forced to choose loyalties. I don't think I should have to choose- and even by not doing anything- just waiting the situation out I am indirectly choosing a loyality.

I hope to God that things will work themselves out without me being drug into either situation. For I will surely walk away from them both and never look back. It would break my heart to have to do it- but for the love of God- don't make me choose sides.

I have been thru enough in my life without having to lose again.

I have had enough of it.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Dead Like Me?

Have you guys ever seen that show?

One of my favorites.

I think it's a Showtime Original.

I miss not having Showtime.

Dreams- Premonitions & ESP........

Do you believe in premonitions and dreams coming true? Do you believe in ESP?

When I was young I could tell my parents exactly where things were when they lost them. Things I had no idea what were or should even have had knowledge of. Sometimes I can do it today- altho it never seems to be MY lost stuff I can do it with. I still have dreams that about half the time come true. That is one scary thing to live with all your life too. But on the other hand, it can be pretty calming and reassuring too.

Once I had a dream- someone got hurt and I had to help them-in the dream I tried the wrong thing to help-and in the dream they ended up losing a finger because the wrong thing was done. Now, I'm the type of person who hates to leave things undone, so I did a bit of research and found out what should have been done.That dream came true a few months later and luckily I knew the right thing to do......They only have a small scar to show for it now.

Another dream......when my Grandmother had passed away, I was quite worried about her...."destination"- I had no idea if she had been "saved" or was even a religious person. I had a dream after about 6 months-(at least I think it was a dream)- and she was in my home when I got up one night to get a drink of water. We sat in the den and had a wonderful chat about all the times we had when I was growing up. I finally worked up the nerve to ask her what it was like where she was now and she just smiled and told me. She said for me not to worry- the place she was now is beautiful and serene- there was peace for her there and she was happy. There was no sorrow nor pain like here on earth and love abounded. She went into much greater detail, but I would like to keep those for myself- I know you understand.
Finally, she looked up and told me her time with me was almost gone and before light she had to return. I cried and hugged her and told her that I missed her and didn't want her to leave, but she just smiled and held me a long few moments and told me not to worry- we would see each other again when the time was right and then she turned and smiled at me and a light glowed dimly behind her and she seemed to fade into it. I have never worried about my grandmother again.

It's a scary thing to live with- The dreams that may or may not come true, always seeming to be "on call" in case something begins to happen that was in a dream and trying to remember what worked and what didn't. I know that no one would know if I just walked away like I didn't know what was about to take place, no one would have a clue and things would just happen "naturally"....but I would know....and what if I AM the element that is supposed to make the difference?
Could I live with myself if I just walked away?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

South Paw by Necessity...................

WARNING: bit of POTTY HUMOR-if it offends- skip by this one!!!

I am right-handed. But because of a bad case of tendonitis, I am being forced to become a south-paw for about a month. It's not the first time either. In high school, the week of final exams, I broke my right wrist in a skating accident and had to learn to write south-paw in a weekend. My handwriting looks like a burgeoning 2nd graders. Legible- but barely.

I am fairly proficient at typing with one hand.........enough to get by at work anyway. I work as a dispatcher and have about 25 log books to fill out every night, forms to fill out, and a radio communications system to operate. Not a problem until it comes to the triplicate forms.

Work isn't the problem tho. The problems come in the everyday mundane things we don't normally think that much about. Like..........driving.Fortunately I drive an automatic auto.....but even turning the key is a problem. Not to mention putting it in gear and releasing the handbrake.

Also- washing and rinsing the hair in the shower, a two handed job..............

And using the toilet is another big problem........
OH.....laughing are you, now???? Tell you time you go- try using ONLY your OTHER HAND to clean it takes you more than one try to get things in order!!!

Try brushing your teeth.....with just the 'other hand'........just trying to get the toothpaste on the toothbrush is a job and a is screwing the cap off ANYTHING-ANYWHERE.

Everything is geared towards either right-handed persons or persons with two good hands. Granted, most people HAVE two hands- but not every one is right-handed.......

sigh........ I can't wait to be NORMAL again.
In a month...............
or so...................