Monday, June 06, 2005

Impossible Situations.

I hate them.

Right now I am caught in the middle of two situations-one professional and one personal- and wish it were in my nature to just be able to walk away and ignore them both. Something I'm HAVING to do out of self-preservation- and it is KILLING me.

I hate being torn between doing the right thing and having to sit on a situation and just let it play out.

My headaches have begun coming back because of these situations- and I hate headaches- these migraines especially.

I have been trying to write a bit more on my book,but the thoughts and feelings about the situations I am thrown into now are bringing out a feel to the story that is dark and to be honest, is scaring the hell out of me. I don't like the dark brooding part of me that begins to rear it's head when I am placed in situations like this. I get angry that I am in the situations and forced to choose loyalties. I don't think I should have to choose- and even by not doing anything- just waiting the situation out I am indirectly choosing a loyality.

I hope to God that things will work themselves out without me being drug into either situation. For I will surely walk away from them both and never look back. It would break my heart to have to do it- but for the love of God- don't make me choose sides.

I have been thru enough in my life without having to lose again.

I have had enough of it.

3 comments:

Vicarious Living said...

Hope everything is ok!

Sunny said...

I think things will work themselves out after a while.

I am just trying to stand back and watch the drama unfold without having to choose.

Thanks Cindy.

serendipity said...

I sympathise with the headaches. I have had terrible migraines for years now.

Only someone who has suffered them can understand the pain.