Friday, September 28, 2007

Who's Ring Is It Anyway????

A Tennessee judge has ruled that a woman must give back the engagement ring if engagement is broken off.

My take......

It depends on the circumstances.

If HE breaks it off for no reason or no foul on her part- then she should get to keep it as a consolation prize, so to speak. It's a broken contract...or a deposit of sorts on the promise of their future together.
If SHE breaks it off for no reason or no foul on HIS part- then she should have to give it back. If she wanted to keep the ring, she should honor the contract/promise.

If he breaks it off because she cheats on him then HE should get it back.
If she breaks it off because he cheats on her- then SHE should get to keep it.
Penalty for breaking the contract on both parts.

Some people argue that in either case he should get the ring back- after all, what girl in her right mind would wear a ring from a man who did her wrong or broke off the engagement?
SOME women will wear it on their right hand or on their middle finger on their left hand to remind them to be careful of their choices in men next time. Also- if the woman has spent money on deposits for the wedding already- it could be sold to replace some of the monies she has put out already.
And besides........what man in their right mind would DARE give another woman the ring he intended for another woman if the ring was returned by said other woman........all I can say is- I sincerely HOPE the NEWLY intended doesn't find out it was bought for another woman and then given to HER.

Men of the world, take my advice, just cannot DO that. Especially not to a SOUTHERN AMERICAN woman. Not only will you be at serious risk for losing your manhood the first time you fall asleep, if she actually is stupid enough to stay with you, you will end up paying for it and hearing about it during every single, solitary, argument you have for the rest of your life together.
Why put yourself thru that?
If you do get the ring back from an ex-fiance, don't give it to another female- go sell it and then buy your new love her OWN ring- one that reflects her personality and your love for HER.

And "That's all I got to say about that" Forrest would say.

Inquiring minds want to know..........well, THIS one does anyway.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Send It Back.......

Paulius bought a Sonic Screwdriver and it finally arrived today......

Well, he can just send it right back cause not ONLY does it NOT blow stuff up like the one on TV- it doesn't help me remember stuff either.

What is the use of having an awesome gadget if it doesn't work like it does on TV?
I am SO disappointed!!!!

For My Sweet Family.....

As you know- my family and I are going thru a really rough patch right now....Clays passing last month threw us all for a loop and it's been a horrible, horrible time dealing with it. Add to that the fact that my Daddy has been gone for two years on this past Monday, Clays passing one month ago today, and it's all just a mess.

One of my sisters almost cut her pinky finger tip completely off by closing her store safe on it this week, the other sister sliced HER middle finger the entire length the very next day.
Two of our kids have went missing- both showed back up this week(Thank God), but it's been nuts around here.

I just want to tell the family that altho things are bad.....things are going to get worse soon for a few of know who you are.....but just lean on each other- and have faith that it WILL get better.
If there is no hope of that happening, there isn't much hope at all for anything.
I'm here if you need to matter if you are BLOOD relative- Married into the family- or Adopted into the family.

I love you ALL.

(((((HUGE HUGS))))))))

Sunny/Vada/ Mama/Nanny/Sweetie/Sissy/Goddess

Friday, September 21, 2007

I Do....Again???????

A German politician is lobbying for marriages to automatically expire after 7 years, wherein at that time the couple will either agree to extend the contract for 7 more years or let it dissolve.

I don't LIKE that idea.

That means I would have to be extra NON-annoying all the time lest Paulius remember my bad points and not agree to re-marry me.
On the other hand, I could lobby for him to do more stuff I want him to do that he doesn't particularly LIKE I can't think of anything specific at the moment but I would have 7 years to come up with something.

On the OTHER hand....he could just not agree to my demands....I mean REQUESTS and not agree to re-marry me.

Nope- I really DON'T like that expiration marriage date idea.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Reply for Ozzy........

Yeah, Seat belt issues are a major issue for me....but they ALWAYS have been. It's not just something I have begun advocating since Clay's accident.

Seat-belts have saved my life on three seperate occasions....both my sons lives about 22 years ago and had my son been wearing a seat belt when he was 15 he wouldn't have been hurt in that accident so badly, either. My daughter wearing a safety belt saved not only her life but her unborn babies life in an accident back about 7 years ago.

I have to say tho- I not sure him being restrained would have made a huge difference in his accident this time tho......Altho he was unrestrained, his airbags didn't deploy either. But we will never know.

I KNOW seat belts are TERRIBLY uncomfortable- every time I wear on it almost cuts off my circulation to my brain by it pressing against my jugular vein, but I still wear one. I said it before and I'll say it unrestrained body is a deadly projectile- not only for the unrestrained person, but for any innocent bystanders as well.

There's a lot of stories about people who have burned up or drowned in accidents because they couldn't get their seat-belts off to save them selves. I carry a utility knife in my glove-box just for that reason as well.
It's a personal decision, I suppose.
Lemme tell you a story- a TRUE story.......
A few months ago my sons came to visit me for a while. They stayed a couple hours and then they were going to go to a friends house. They both hugged and kissed me, and walked out the door. The last thing I ALWAYS say to them as they leave (not just THIS day but EVERY TIME) is "Be careful. Buckle up. I love you"
On that day I told them that- and they said they would...but I said Buckle up NOW. So they made a big show of buckling up and waving as they went out the driveway.
So I walked in, picked up the phone, waited about 30 seconds and started dialing. Paulius asked who I was calling- and I answered"the Boys."
He said"they just left"
"I know" I said and I hit speaker so he could hear what was said........

* Frank answered....."HELL-O! Clays Phone- How may I help you?"
*Me......."Put them back ON"
*.......laughter from both boys......... and clicking of seat-belts being re-fastened.
Both Boys in the background..."How did she know?....."We JUST took em off, Mama!!"
Me......"I know- that's why I called...Keep em on....and I love you BOTH!!"

Maybe in the back of my mind I knew something like this would happen......and that's why I was/have been/am so adamant about buckling up.

I dunno- all I know is I will always be telling people who I know and care about to buckle up- whether they like it or not- or agree with me or not....


Sunday, September 16, 2007

It'd Be Nice.....

If you could choose what language you want to search the "next blog"s in- that way you don't have to go thru 287 Blogs.........

...none of them in your language.

Friday, September 14, 2007

It's Been Rough....

I took this past week to just sit back and think alot. I am trying to come to grips with all that has happened recently.

I have had nights of constance crying. I have had nights I just sat and stared off into the dark.
I have had nights I remembered every time I spanked Clay, or yelled at him about little things. I had nights I sat and remembered all the good and fun stuff about him. I've had nights I feel guilty that I didn't call him or visit him more. I have regrets that I didn't call him that night like I usually do when he's on his way home from work. Maybe he would have been driving slower and missed the deer completely....or maybe it wouldn't have mattered at all.
I don't know. I do know that I can't change the fact that he's gone from our arms.....but not from our hearts and memories.
So many things remind me of him......

I would like to thank a few people who have helped me these past few weeks. I did the usual thank you cards for all the food and flowers and such- but a few I want to thank specially.

First of all, Thank you Paul for taking such good care of me. I have only healed as much as I have because you have looked out to make sure I got food in me, drink in me, and gave me your arms to be held in while I cried a river of tears. I know you are grieving as well but you have put aside your grief until I can come to grips with my own. You let me talk about things as much as I want and have yet to be nasty like a couple others and tell me to get over it- life goes on. I KNOW life goes on...but you're allowing me to get there at my own pace and are by my side holding me up(literally, sometimes) while I am getting there.
I love you my Darling Husband.

Thank you to Frank, my eldest son. You and Clay were like twins altho a few months seperated you. You also have been grieving but have been with me to give me hugs and to remind me that I have two more children who love me and need me as well. Altho we will get thru this- we will never get over it. Thank you my darling son for being here with me.

Thank you to Julie, my darling only daughter, My own personal mini-me(altho you're a few inches taller than me). You've been here for me as well, talking to me about normal things that keep me on track. Sometimes only another girl understands. Someday our mountain of trials and troubles will work themselves out and things will return to normal again. Whatever "normal" mean. Thank you for being my light of sunshine.

Thank you to Lois, Terry, and Rhonda, my three best real world,non-relative friends for letting me call you whenever I need to talk, or cry, or just have someone on the line with me who I can listen to the silence with and them understand. No one could ask for better friends than that.

Thank you to Stacey, who not only did Clays services, but is my cousin and has been ministering to me(sometimes from her bathtub) even tho she knows I'm agnostic. Somehow she manages to comfort me without making me feel guilty about not having the exact same beliefs she does. Love you Cuz.

Thank you to Saffy - my online sister. Like a real sister, you do all the things that count.
And boy do they vary. Sometimes I need a laugh, sometimes a cry, sometimes a bit of that Brit sarcasm.

Thanks to Mom and Dennis, they don't read my blog, so we will just say they're angels of mercy and leave it at that.

Thank you to all Clays fav guy friends who carried him to his final resting spot. It was a hard thing to do and I love you all for it.

To Tee, my baby Darlene, thank you so much for being my rock . I wasn't sure where to turn or what to gently guided me thru all the things that needed to be done. You were the big sister to me- not the other way round. I love you so much.

To Kathy, for loving my baby boy and making him complete and happy. No one could ask for a sweeter Daughter-in-law.

I have a few more but I'm getting tired so I'll close for now.

Friday, September 07, 2007


I keep thinking this is just one of my horrible nightmares again.
Seriously. I've had nightmares like this all my life- ever since I was about 4 -and sometimes they seem so real and go on and on for months...dream-time. Usually they involve stuff like a nuclear-war, but sometimes they involve people I actualy know and about a month ago I dreamed that my eldest son was working for a construction crew and had to crawl under a building to run some conduit and he and the guy who was working with him was involved in a cave in and he died after 4 days of being stuck in there. And it felt just like this. It hurt reallly badly and I was crying and then I woke up crying and couldn't breath then either. When I woke up I dressed and went straight to his house and told him about the nightmare and he hugged me and told me not to worry and he wouldn't be crawling under anything anytime soon.

Only I'm actually beginning to think this may not BE one of those nightmares......It still feels unreal- but that floaty, unreal feeling is starting to feel like numb reality does when I'm actually awake.

And I usually can't taste the salt in my tears in my nightmares either, but now I can.

I may not be posting for a while. I need to take a break.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Dumb Assed Crap.

can someone please explian to me why the hell the USA is so damn worried about feeding the rest of the world when we have so many starving people in this country?
I mean a gallon of MILK costs more than a freaking gallon of GASOLINE now.

And is it wrong of me to always be looking for a better way of something being done?
I mean, something can be done- and it's wonderful, but my perfectionist side always kicks in and starts thinking...."hmmmmm, now if this were changed to this and that was changed just a tiny bit that way, well it would be almost perfect". But even if it was changed to my new specifications, I would begin the process all over again and try and improve , no PERFECT- it even more......even tho it was MY idea.

I can't win and I get pissed at the oddest things.

Monday, September 03, 2007

My Tat........

This is the Tat I'm getting.

I'll have to modify it by making the fairy ears regular human ears, the wings will be changed to feathered angel wings, the hair will be blond since his wife and I both are blonds, and I'll have them put two teardrops on the side of her face and of course it will be quite a bit bigger.........
But this is it.

It's gonna cost me an arm and a leg probably, but I don't care. It's the one I want.

My Darling daughter-in-law, Kathy called me today.
We cried together, but more importantly- we laughed together as well. We had one of the best heart-to-hearts I have ever had and we now know that neither of us will ever lose the other one. We told each other things we didn't know about- things Clay said and thought . We shared so much and so many things....and it brought us so much closer.
I love her so much- she was the world to my baby boy.

We talked about those people who had had near-death experiences and how they all said the same thing- that when they were "gone" they were so happy and content and they couldn't understand why everyone was so sad about them being gone ....they really didn't want to come back but when they did- they still remembered the happy content feeling and now they didn't fear death- and we shouldn't either.
It gave me such comfort to hear Kathy's voice and to know that she is finally going to be okay. I was so worried about her, and the baby. Every other sentence out of Clay was about that little girl- she was his reason for living.

Soon we'll have a part of Clay with us to hold and love- just as much as we did Clay himself.

I found that song from Oh Brother WAT...........It's called Oh Come Angel Band sang by the Peasall Sisters. They also do a song called Farther Along that is lovely.

That's about it for the day....tomorrow will be better.

For My Friends

Hi everyone.

I'm sorry last week brought so many tears from me.
This has sent me on a journey I never imagined myself taking.

I was just beginning to be able to think of my dad without completely losing it- but this is a whole different ballgame.
I'm lost. I spend most of my time crying or sleeping. I/We have so many people who care about me/us, and people are constantly calling or coming by. It's slacked of somewhat now- and i really do appreciate the calls and visits, but I need some quiet time to figure things out in my head. Certain times i need the comfort of certain people-you know who you are....I have called, written, and come to visit you or called you to my side. I love you all who have helped me thru this.
Every time I start to be a tiny bit distracted by life- something will remind me of the reality of what has happened.

I had to take sedatives at work last night. I went in thinking I would be surrounded by a few nurses and housekeeping staff to keep me occupied, and instead I was entirely, completely and utterly alone in that huge building. I had forgotten about the holiday weekend.
See where I work is pretty much an elective surgery hospital. Plastic surgery, and stuff like that. They don't have an emergency department even.
I sat down for most of the night and played at the Grand piano in the main lobby. And now I want a baby grand. Really badly.

I also sat down and began starting funeral arrangements for myself. Realizing how prepared Clay and Kathy were made me realize that I need to get some things down on paper. I also need to get life insurance on my husband. We're on a quite tight budget (or we were) and were trying to wait until he found employment which usually offers some type of life insurance coverage, but as we all found out last week- life doesn't always happen according to our plans.
Those raises I got in the past few months will cover any costs for Paulius some life insurance.
mine is only about 40 dollars a month and I have over a quarter million on me. I also began writing out actual arrangements- flowers, music, burial requests and such- a "pre-will" if you will.
I'm going to set up an appointment with a few of the funeral homes/mortuaries to see what they have available so maybe I can have all the arrangements made and PRE-PAID when I pass. It would save my family a lot of grief and heartache as well.
I want to sit down with them and discuss my decisions about why I chose some things as well. I'm not 100% firmly decided about a couple of major points, and feel I should take their thoughts on them into consideration.
After all, funerals aren't for the departed- they're for the ones left behind.
Now I have to go find some songs on the net......Unless you guys happen to know the name of the song playing on Clays Memorial website? I didn't set it up and I never can remember to ask when I talk to my sis. Also what is the name of the song playing at the very end of "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou"? by his little girls?
That's one of my fav songs and I want to find the lyrics and the music to it.
If y'all know and could tell me I would so appreciate it.
I don't know how long I will be as upset as I have been. I strongly suspect I will need to go for a bit of grief counseling before it's all said and done. But I know Clay would want us to go on with our lives and not be sad for him and would rather we remember him with smiles and laughter instead of the mountains of tears we have shed.
I just don't know how to go about it.

He was the one who made me laugh the most, you see.

I have decided to get my tat as well. I need to find it somewhere tho.
It's a crescent moon with an angel sitting in the curve of the crescent with her head hanging as in grief. I'm putting it on my left shoulder blade- just behind my heart.

It was done by Kat Von D on an episode of Miami Ink. If only I could get her to do it for me.

Anyway.......I'm going to do some research now.

One last piece of advice for you all..........Hold your babies close to your hearts and enjoy every second of their lives.....every rolling of the eyes, every sigh of annoyance, every smile, laugh, toss of the head, compliment or complaint that comes out of their mouths. Give them hugs, even when they don't want them, and kisses as often as you possibly can. Hold them in your arms, and smell the smell that is uniquely THEM. And make them buckle up.


Sunday, September 02, 2007

I Remember..................

I Remember:
*When you were a baby the only way I could get you to nap was to rub your back and sing Amazing Grace to you til you fell asleep.
*When you were two , waking up to you and your brother leaning on the bed staring at me with a can of oysters in your little hands wanting Oyster Stew for breakfast and me telling you it took a LONG time to make O.Stew and getting you you eat a bowl of cereal while I boiled a pan of water, and THEN making your stew for lunch for you.
*You riding that Power-Wheels truck down the drive way with your hair flying back and the biggest smile in the world on your face because you loved "driving" fast. I remember being so scared I threw the truck in the dumpster and you crying to your big bubba,Frank, when he came home from kindergarden and him getting it out of the dumpster for you and promising me that he would make sure you didn't ride it down that steep hill anymore. And you didn't.
*You never left home without hugging and kissing me and telling me you loved me- even when you was mad at me.
*The week you and I BOTH had an allergic reaction when we ate some chocolate.
*Our trips to Gatlinburg and that there was nothing you didn't want to try.
*How you hated my "Christmas Stick" as you called my slim tree and how you said it just wasn't a "mama" tree and how I promised I would have a real tree from now on. I'll keep that promise baby boy, I'm sorry I ever bought that slim tree.
*When you called me and gave me the news you and Kathy were expecting.You were so nervous- and so excited at the same time. You would have been a fantastic daddy, Son. How could you have not been?
* When you bought Kathy's engagement ring. I don't think there was a moment you were more happy than when she said yes.
*How you and bubba used to cover for each other when y'all got in trouble. I tried not to punish y'all too much cause I never quite knew who REALLY did it.
*How you and Julie always wanted to open Christmas gifts on your December Birthdays. And so the tradition began of you could choose ONE from under the tree to open on your birthday. And y'all always waited til Your birthday on the 11th and all opened one together- even Frank because his birthday was in May and you never wanted him left out of anything you did. You were the best brother ever!
*Most of all I remember how you always gave me kisses and hugs no matter what age you were or how many of your friends were around and I remember your sweet voice and how you called me "Sweetie" instead of Mama.

For most of your life it had been you and me and Frank and Julie against the world. You were the rock baby boy and I don't know how we will learn to live without you. Our saving grace is that you will be in our hearts and memories all our lives and you will be there giving us direction and advice.

I love you, son. Be waiting for us when we come home to you.