Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I Swore It Would Never Be.....

When I was growing up, my mom's family was forever squabbling about something or other. We could never have a family get together without half the family refusing to come because they were on the outs with someone else because of something that had been said or done. And God forbid the two factions come and be in the same room/vicinity together. There were fist-fights and fusses and arguments and even a couple of incidents of guns and/or knives being involved. Luckily, none were ever used- but there was some very close calls.
I used to remember my stomach being in knots whenever we would go to any get-together with them because you never knew what was going to happen with the warring factions that day.
And I swore that when I had a family, it would never be like that. Yet, here I sit today, with my stomach in knots, crying, because of the warring factions in my own family.
And it started out slowly, with one member of the elders giving enough drama to keep things in an uproar. Then it became a couple more incidents and a couple more people.
And now- my own immediate family has recently began the slow decent.

Am I to live my entire life with this curse?
What did I do to deserve the hell of being caught in the middle of all this upset? I can see everyone's side. And I'm being pulled into the middle of it all.
I deleted my Facebook account and my MySpace accounts about 2AM this morning because of all the drama.
I can't deal with it. I'm on the edge of having a breakdown already and these situations aren't helping me at all.
I'm not willing to relay messages back and forth between the about 10 people who have issues with each other and aren't speaking, nor do I want to know who's doing who- or what anyone said that pissed someone else off. My heart cannot deal with the fact that these people I love so much are so upset with each other, and they want me to referee.

I refuse. I love them all too much to choose sides. As I said- I see all sides and I hurt for everyone. Especially me who is hurting more than all of them combined.

PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE.......If you love me- Just LEAVE me OUT of all of it!!!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Hopes For The New Year

I hope for less stress.
I hope for more wealth.
I hope to move into a place that doesn't leak when it rains and is warm in the winter and cool in the summer and has a tub big enough to actually take a BATH in.
I hope the people I love can find good jobs.
I hope to be more thrifty.
I hope to FINALLY be able to lose this excess weight.
I hope to be wiser.
I hope the drama stops.

I wish for happiness and serenity for everyone.

Monday, December 28, 2009

That's Just Wrong!!!!

Okay.... so Paul was wanting me to play his stupid game with him and we was like, playing, and I was, like, getting to, like, blow stuff up and I was, like, having a LOT of fun running those guys down and watching them fly across the fields when my missiles hit them, and just because I wasn't paying attention to where his avatar was at and covering his ass and he got killed a dozen or so times because I was killing guys a half mile away from him....he laughed at me and put it away.

That's just SO wrong.....

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Poor Baby....

As you know if you read Paul's blog, we got a new kitten on the 23rd.

She's such a sweetheart. She's been quiet as a mouse and extremely meek and mellow for a 3 month old kitten. She's a very cuddly, lovey kitten.

Well, turns out there's a very good reason she's been so mellow. She's sick with a horrible cold. Her sister had a bad one when we was looking at them and apparently she caught it from Noelle before we brought her home.

I called one of my best friends who is a long-time cat owner and she said the one time her kitties got a cold she ground up a Vitamin C tablet and sprinkled about a third of it in their wet food and they got over it in a couple days. She also added that she didn't know if that was because of the vitamin C tabs or just a happy co-incidence, but that's what worked for her babies.

I just hope Logan doesn't get it from Lucy. I guarantee he won't be a sweet mellow kitty if he gets a cold- he'll be the whiny, grumpy old man from Hades. I don't want either of them sick.....

BTW- can humans catch a cold from a cat? Just askin'..........

Friday, December 25, 2009


Just a couple/three pics of the family at Christmas.

I was so afraid that this Christmas was going to be a bust.
So much going on lately and most of it not good.

..........................................Happily, I was wrong.

Our Christmas Eve Family Get together was absolutely awesome!! Everyone didn't get to make it, but it was still a wonderful get-together for those who were able to get there.

It was very laid back and relaxed, with lots of love and happiness abounding. We laughed, we shared memories- and we made new ones. A you can see from the pics- we are a very Gadget oriented family- everyone except me and the kids had their camera or phone or in some cases BOTH taking as many pics as possible!! It was great!!

Santa came Christmas Eve night and this morning, Paul and I woke up, opened prezzies and ate a quiet calm breakfast together. Then I napped a couple hours while Paul played the new Xbox game Santa brought him.

Then I woke up, and cooked the T-Bone steaks I had bought for us, along with mashed potatoes and gravy and rolls....... and a bit of the leftover Broccoli casserole Paul had made for the Eve-do. He made it from KBs recipe with a couple of adjustments and I have to say it's the best Broccoli casserole I have EVER put in my mouth! Excellent!!

Anyway, I'm working tonight, so as you can see- I'm trying to keep myself busy. Usually we have quite a few people here, but everyone is gone for the holiday weekend and there's a whole lot of nothing to do when there's no one here but me. Easy weekend for me with my duties so light- but a lonely one as well.

I've said a few prayers recently and asked for quite a few more from friends and family and most of my prayers have been answered.

It seems Christmas Miracles really DO still come true!
I am Blessed.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Twas The Night Before Christmas.....

....and all thru the house........

The decorating is done, the cooking went surprisingly smoothly and is finished, the gifts are wrapped and under the tree, the house smells heavenly and the rest of my kids are on their way in a couple hours!!
Frank is already here and he and Paul are watching Paul's special Christmas movie....Star Wars(*rolls eyes*)....and they are snacking on Chex Mix- a Christmas staple in my family. The tree is twinkling away and Christmas music is playing in the kitchen.

We don't have any snow on the ground, but it finally, finally, Finally FEELS like Christmas to me!!!


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

It's Getting Closer.....

Christmas is almost here.

So why am I not more excited?
Instead I'm getting more and more nauseous.
This is wrong. Just plain WRONG!

What is going ON? I don't understand.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Not Quite My Plan, but...........

Well, I came in from work, fully intending to rest a bit and then go grocery shopping before our nasty weather arrived!

Unfortunately, my body had other plans. I fell asleep on the sofa and when Paul woke me to tell me it was time for the market to open, I knew if I tried to drive I would fall asleep at the wheel. So we went to bed and I slept til after noon. I woke up and the freezing rain had already started, so I jumped up, threw on my clothes and headed off to do the shopping, letting my sweet hubby stay in the nice warm bed.
I went to the market, got everything we needed and then realized I had a few dollars left over, so I finished the little bit of shopping I had left to do.
That's not to say I got all the shopping done I WANTED to do- but I have one gift for all the kids and grandsons and one for my mom. I already had Paul's done. Again, not what I had planned on doing, but he'll have something under the tree Christmas Morning. Besides- we already HAVE our Chrismas gift to each other.....remember- we put in the money we were planning on spending on each other and added it to the generous Christmas and Birthday cash Paul's parents sent us and bought our new TV which was something we had been drooling over for almost two years now but figured we wouldn't be able to acquire for at least another year.
Speaking of which- I'm RUINED for LIFE now because of them and that new TV. I watch TV at work during my lunch break and it's not HD.........geeze, it's like watching TV with vaseline smeared on your glasses!!! Not hardly worth the effort!!
So as you can see- I really AM enjoying our Christmas gift this year!!!
Thank You Parents and Hubby!!!

So the tree is decorated, and the gifts bought- and almost everything is wrapped......I have the food for the Christmas Eve get-together bought and ready for preparing. All I have to do is the cleaning and last minute details. Yay me. It would be soooo nice to have a fireplace right now!! *sigh*

Maybe when Paul wakes up- if the weather isn't too bad- we might go out for a quiet holiday drive together....get us both out of the house for a while!!
That would be really nice.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Getting Started....

I've been MIA for a few days now. Mainly from myself, but almost from everyone.
This is becoming a really hard time of year for me. With The holidays and Clays Birthday and my parents anniversary all falling in December but this year it's all hitting me EXTREMELY hard and there are even some added family complications this year as well.

I bought our Christmas tree(a fresh cut one- just like I promised Clay in our last conversation) and got it up on his birthday, but it's sat there all weekend and not gotten decorated. But tonight Paul and I are planning on decorating it together.
We've done it together once before, and we've done it separately a couple years- and for the past couple years Paul has let me have free rein in doing it however I like- which is-to him- well OVERDONE with way too many ornaments and lights.(Is there such a thing???)
But this year I especially feel the need of my husband by my side and he is here for me, holding my hand and my heart for safekeeping.

I think I need more of that. I'm tired of trying to be Superwoman/Supermom and trying to do it all on my own with no help from anyone. I realize I can't be the "Fixer" anymore. My husband has been my defender, my rock, and has let me know in no uncertain terms that no matter what- he loves me, is standing by me and will be here for me.

So tonight we are decorating what I am feeling is really our first Christmas Tree together.

He let me decide the theme- so I decided to do a tree I've never done before. A red, white and silver tree.
I guess I'll be using a Santa Hat for a Tree topper this year since I still haven't found a tree topper I love yet. Besides, our tree has an odd top this year and a tree topper wouldn't work anyway. Totally unlike me as well, I chose a 5 and a half foot tree instead of a monster like i usually pick.
This afternoon I dug out all my plain red and silver ornaments and then I decided they were just a bit TOO plain. So I got out my clear nail enamel and my snow glitter and a plastic bag. I poured the glitter into the plastic zip-lock bag and then brushed a thin coat of nail polish onto the tip or sides, or edges of the ornaments, then dropped them into the glitter bag , closed it up, and shook it so the glitter stuck to the damp nail polish..... (I was gonna use a glue stick but mine had dried up so I had to make do with what I had).....Then, I opened the bag, shook the excess glitter off the ornaments and laid them to the side to dry. They look frosted like the really expensive ones you buy at a specialty shop but for LOADS less money. Basically, I already had all the stuff here, but had I had to buy it all new it would have cost less than ten dollars. No joke.

I think next year- I'll get the girls together and maybe some of the grand-kids and us do a bunch of these ornaments together. It'll be making some new memories!
I need some new GOOD memories........As a matter of fact, I think I'll go get started on that right now!!

Happy Holidays, Y'all!!!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Happy Birthday Clay.

My baby boy would have turned 26 today.

We're so blessed to have had him for 23 years with us.

We love you son. Always.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Just for Funsies.......

1. "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" or depends on the context?

2. Fake or real tree? Or no tree? More than one tree?

3. Tree topper: star? angle? homemade? antique/family heirloom? same every year?

4. Colored lights? White lights? Lights outside? Other outside decorations?

5. Christmas Cards: Card? Letter? Pictures? Picture/card combo? Picture/letter combo? Every year or just years that you "get around to it"?

5b. Cards received- do you display them? Where? All, or just the photo ones? Where do you put them if you don't display them?

My friend, Marie, at Life In A Tiny Town posted this and I so totally stole it from her.
Thx Sweetie!!

My answers.......

1)Depends on the context. Usually I do say 'Happy Holidays' unless I know for sure the person I am speaking to is Christian. I like to include everyone and 'Happy Holidays' just about covers it all.

2)My tradition now is ...a REAL tree for the Living/Family room, and various sizes of artificial trees for the other rooms of the house. The most I have ever had was 7. Yes, SEVEN.

3)I change my tree topper out every year. I have a clear plastic one that actually looks like Glass....but my ceilings are so low where I live now I would have to have a 5 ft tree to use it so its displayed on the bookcase til I get in a house with cathedral ceilings. A 5 Ft tree is NOT big enought for my Christmases. Sorry- but that's just the way I roll.
I have used a Barbie in a wedding gown for a tree topper, a Santa hat, a star, an angel, and a bird.
There is no limit to what you can use for a tree topper and not unlike Marie, I have yet to find just the PERFECT one I cannot do without!!!

4)I use BOTH multi-colored and white lights. First I wrap the tree in one kind, keeping all the plugs grouped together, and then I do the other color. If I want all white- I just plug in the white group of plugs...if I want the colored lights- I plug them all in- white and colored. The white AND colored combined really makes the tree pop!!! I have a wreath for the front door- and hanging swags (made from an old artificial tree) for the front window shutters. That's all I do for the far. :-) When I get my OWN house I'm sure that will change.

5) I send out cards and I always have them ready by Thanksgiving Day...I hand deliver as many of them as I possibly can. ......My mom has a black & white photo taken of me in my Christmas PJs when I was two years old kissing an ornament on our Christmas tree. IF she ever locates it and loans it to me for two minutes so I can scan it- I'm going to do custom Christmas cards with that Pic on the front of it with a red MERRY CHRISTMAS beside it. I think it will be beautiful!! (I'm a little full of myself, huh?) :-)

5a) I do display my cards...all of them. I am one of those weird people who saves their Christmas cards every year and displays them every year following. I have dozens and dozens and I display them on my entertainment center, bookshelves, on the archway in my living-room, and a few very special ones, I have framed in plain black frames and I hang as seasonal art thru-out our home.

.....Sigh.........I love Christmas...I just don't have the energy for it at the moment.

Have yet to start my holiday decorating. Just can't seem to get it together and put the plan into action.

WTH? This is MY time of YEAR!! Why is it so hard for me to get going this year? I have a plan....I been working a little bit on getting things re-arranged so I can decorate. But then I think about all the sorting and I just can't quite face it yet. The tree will go up this coming Friday. Maybe then the following Monday or Tuesday I can get it all finished. I just don't see me getting it done this weekend....or in what's left of this weekend. I did ,however,get the menu for our party sorted. Yay me!!

I'm afraid I'm going to become one of those people who doesn't like horrible and sad would that be? Me of all people.


Friday, December 04, 2009

Deep Breaths......

Well, dej`a vu all over again...
This is how today went...
5AM- I'm at work, and the Phone rings. I answer.

It's Paul....." Hi Sweetie.... Question...... how much money do we have left this week?"....

Me, (very proud of myself having just worked 2 and a half hours on the budget for this month so we could get everything taken care of without it being so tight we couldn't breathe)..." WE have plenty to fix the kitchen faucette, sweetie."...

Him-" Ummmmmm.....No, This is a completely different thing than the kitchen thing....see, I went to bed and..." at which point my stomach started churning.

OH NO.........

...."and when I looked up at the ceiling, I noticed...."

OH, BLOODY EFFING HELL!!!!!!!!!!...NO NO NOOOOOOOO!!! It can't be... not again- not NOW for Christ-sake!!!!

"this new dark spot on the tiles and so I felt it and it was damp- so I went outside and took a look and...."

I didn't even have to hear the rest of it........... I told him I would call him back in just a few minutes and hung up just as I reached the ladies room and promptly threw up everything I had eaten in the past 12 hours.

15 minutes of puking and dry-heaving later, I finally called him back and let him finish telling me the bad news.

And as for the rest of the story, ..............I believe you have already heard nausem- so I'll let it end here. It's repaired- again- but we won't know if it's actually done any good til the next time it rains hard. We're(I'm) not very optimistic at this point in the game.

Deep Breaths.....Deep breaths...........preferably with a cigarette and a stiff drink chasing it.
Have a GREAT weekend, Y'all!!!!