Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I Swore It Would Never Be.....

When I was growing up, my mom's family was forever squabbling about something or other. We could never have a family get together without half the family refusing to come because they were on the outs with someone else because of something that had been said or done. And God forbid the two factions come and be in the same room/vicinity together. There were fist-fights and fusses and arguments and even a couple of incidents of guns and/or knives being involved. Luckily, none were ever used- but there was some very close calls.
I used to remember my stomach being in knots whenever we would go to any get-together with them because you never knew what was going to happen with the warring factions that day.
And I swore that when I had a family, it would never be like that. Yet, here I sit today, with my stomach in knots, crying, because of the warring factions in my own family.
And it started out slowly, with one member of the elders giving enough drama to keep things in an uproar. Then it became a couple more incidents and a couple more people.
And now- my own immediate family has recently began the slow decent.

Am I to live my entire life with this curse?
What did I do to deserve the hell of being caught in the middle of all this upset? I can see everyone's side. And I'm being pulled into the middle of it all.
I deleted my Facebook account and my MySpace accounts about 2AM this morning because of all the drama.
I can't deal with it. I'm on the edge of having a breakdown already and these situations aren't helping me at all.
I'm not willing to relay messages back and forth between the about 10 people who have issues with each other and aren't speaking, nor do I want to know who's doing who- or what anyone said that pissed someone else off. My heart cannot deal with the fact that these people I love so much are so upset with each other, and they want me to referee.

I refuse. I love them all too much to choose sides. As I said- I see all sides and I hurt for everyone. Especially me who is hurting more than all of them combined.

PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE.......If you love me- Just LEAVE me OUT of all of it!!!!


Kelly said...

Can you really not choose sides? Or do you mean you don't want to? There's always a right and a wrong, it sounds like you just don't want to have a falling out with anyone and so it's easier to remain neutral.
Unfortunately, in my experience, these are the times when you undoubtedly end up upsetting everyone, rather than just the one person you believed in your heart to be wrong in the first place.

Just an opinion......also, in my world there's a 'pecking order' for who gets my support.

Toby is always number one. Even if I think he might be wrong, to the rest of the world, he gets my 110% support. Makes for an easier homelife.......Hugs xx

Sunny said...

Yes- I do mean I won't choose sides. Paul gets my support because why he is upset is truly a valid reason.
The rest of the drama between everyone is NONE of my business and I shouldn't be having to deal with it.
I see where every one of the others is right on some of it- and wrong wrong wrong on other parts. And since it has to do with a husband and wife- it's NONE of my business. Some things a mom/MIL just doesn't need to know or be involved in.