My Heart Hurts.

Today Ive been cleaning for the holidays. I put a load of laundry in the dryer and decided to have a catnap while the clothes were drying. The beep on the dryer wakes me when they're finished and I had been up since 6.
I drempt I was back home for a visit and Kathy and Thomas and Clay was riding us around looking at the Christmas lights. At one point we got out and was walking and came up by a McDs. Clay was with us still, but he was about 7 and he and Thomas disappeared. When we went looking for them, Little Clay and Thomas was in McDs having a burger together and waiting on their drinks, happily talking away...... I picked Clay up and put him in my lap as we got back into the van, and as Kathy and I was talking I realized that Clay had a bit of gum in his hair- which I finally ended up having to cut out and I put the hair into a purple silk handkerchief to keep....But Clay had grown even smaller to a tiny baby....and I said I may as well hold you close because you wont be with us much longer. and I held him in my arms, close to my face and I could smell his scent of aftershave-Aqua De Gio as I cuddled him. I could feel the warmth of him against my face.....my sweet little baby boy who was wearing aftershave......and then the pain and hurt began filtering in.....My chest felt like it was about to explode it was beating so hard and I began waking up...I fought it so hard and began crying as I realized it was a dream, but I didn't care- I was holding my baby close again and I didn't want to leave that place....But the hurt and pain won, and I came awake with a pounding heart and tears streaming down my face and the smell of Aqua de Gio still hanging in the air. I begged God to please let me go back to sleep for just a while longer...Please, just let me hold him a little longer........

The pain is still just as bad after 8 years as it was the day I found out about his accident. My heart is Breaking.

Having Fun Wrong......and other stuff.

Sigh.....some days are so frustrating.

I finally took my husbands advice and finally signed up for a STEAM account. I went thru quite a few of the games and created a wishlist of the ones that really looked like ones I would be interested in.

Wouldn't you know it- the ones I MOST wanted to get are either majorly difficult- (to the point my long-time gamer hubby even gave up) or my gaming laptop just won't support them.

The ones I felt sort of  "Meh" about- yeah- those will work.

This is why I read..... or watch movies... more than anything else.  Or just don't have more of an interest in branching out in my gaming interests. I play Mine Craft.....I like playing Saints Row- and GTA- but not to complete missions and further the game- I just like exploring the places in them.
 I must have been an explorer in a past life.

As hubby likes to tell me- I'm Having Fun Wrong.
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I was coming back from the bathroom in the quasi-dark this morning and smashed the side of  my foot on the corner of the platform bed. Thru the red mist of pain, I distinctly heard something crack, Probably my pinky toe again because it's already turned dark purple and more importantly, I can still walk on my foot.
I epic fail at walking.


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I have done extremely well this year in abstaining from Christmas indulgences....Special Holiday Treats,,,,,Movies, Music, singing/humming/whistling ........having decorations out. The only exception is the personalized Bottle of wine my Daughter-in-law Kathy and her family gave Paul and myself for Christmas. It's sat in a candle wreath of holly and berries on a side table all year- almost out of sight,- but not quite.
Now that Halloween is over and Thanksgiving is fast approaching, I'm starting to get a fluttery feeling in my tummy- much like it did when I was a child and the wonder of The Christmas Season was imminent.

I knew that we would go to Aunt Ann & Uncle Harry's for a VERY formal Thanksgiving Dinner- after which we would go home and decorate our own Christmas Tree. And that tradition kind of carried over into my own when I had my own home and children in my house.....and even after when they had grown up and had families of their own.

The Holiday Season went like this:

A couple of days before Thanksgiving the turkey would be set in the fridge to thaw....and all the desserts would be made the day before.
Thanksgiving Morning I would be up at 7AM and by 9 the turkey would be in the oven roasting away. I'd be putting together the other side dishes( and there were a LOT of the side dishes)- baking them along with the turkey for the day- in between putting them in and taking them out of the oven, tho, I'd be watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have GOT to figure out a way to watch that this year.

The relatives would start arriving around 3-4pm ish, and by 5 the food would be set up buffet style. I just didn't have the room my Aunt Ann & Uncle Harry did altho I did have the same amount(or more sometimes) of people that they had for dinner.
We'd all get the kids settled with their food- then get ours and eat together...ish. After Dinner was done, (dishes waited til the next day)...We would sit and watch a Christmas Movie on TV and decorate the Tree which had been set up the day before and the lights and garland strung on it. The entire family each had a special ornament for my tree, and they would hang them on my tree and then put a few more on it if they wanted- which they always did.
Then- we would eat again....turkey & ham sammiches or a smaller plate of the dinner again, -or dessert if you were ready for it then.
Afterwards, the Christmas Music came on and we just sat admired the tree, and reminisced about Christmases gone by and all our favorite things about the holidays.
Usually by then the children were worn out and so were the grown-ups, and everyone would start gathering up coats and jackets to head home- but not until every family's mama had  went to the kitchen and got a plate of the leftover food to take home to nibble on the next day.

Lord Bless those were the days dreams were made of. And I miss em dearly.

More on Holiday traditions later.........

And Then Life Happens....

I'm baaaaaaaack!!!

Sorry it's been so long but I have had some STUFF going on in my life and I just couldn't bring myself to write a post.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to preserve your sanity and that's exactly what I did.....am doing.

So....

We had our Halloween Dinner Party.
I sent out invites I did myself. Chiller font in blood red.
Then I hand drew cobwebs in all the corners and a couple of spiders on it too....tied it with a black ribbon in scroll form and hand delivered them.

 There was lots of rearranging of decor too before I was happy with it.
It started out like this....

But ended up like this......

I just don't like over-sized table centerpieces that get in the way of guests being able to see and conversate with each other. (That's a Southern Word in case y'all're wondering.)


It was originally just a get together dinner of the Dinner and Board games group we belong to with some workmates. It was our turn(kind of) to host the get together and I threw out the idea of costumes as a throwaway comment- fully expecting everyone to say nah....too much trouble. But they all surprised me and threw themselves into the spirit of things....

Velma, Shaggy and Tiny little Scooby on Shaggys shoulder.

Can you guess? Exactly!! Wednesday Addams and Lurch!!!!

A Sith Lord from Star Wars

Vicky Pollard from Little Britain.

I was absolutely THRILLED at their awesome outfits!!!!

This was the menu.....

Everyone loved it.... and everyone had their favorites.

 We did provide rolls in case anyone wanted sammiches instead of fork eating it- and they did.
Lurch's favs were the BBQ sauces and Pulled Pork. He ate I think 6 of the sammiches.  Velma's fav was the Ranch Potatoes. Wednesday's favorite was the baked beans.

Im not sure what The Sith Lord and Shaggy's favorites were. They didn't really say.

Anyway, A good time was had by all.

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And in other news, I'm going to be a Great-Grandmother around my birthday end of February.To paraphrase the Great Danny Glover- I'm too Young for this $&!%!!!!