Quite A Condrum......

Having To Redefine....

That's what I'm doing. Having to re-define myself. No so much me- but my career.
Bit of backstory.......When I was 19, I married, had a baby, and was in a bad situation. Not because of the baby, but because all my life I had watched my parents and did as I was told, and thought that when you was married- you was married for life. And when someone beat on you, you MUST have done something wrong to make them that mad....especially when that was what you was told over and over by the person you was being abused by. You end up being broken and believing all the crap.
Over the next 4 years I ended up having two more babies before I finally realized that no matter how I THOUGHT marriage should be forever, it was going to be a very short forever if he ever laid a hand on my kids the way he did me. Then came the night he beat the crap out of me- threw me out of the house(literally) and locked the door ...never mind it was in the middle of the night and an electrical storm and I was breastfeeding the baby. I snapped. I threatened to call the law on him...and he made the ultimate mistake. He held a knife to our baby's throat and said if I did I wouldn't ever see the baby alive again. So I watched, and waited, walking window to window in the rain and wind and lightening, following his every move until he finally let me back in...about 7 hours later. He was still drugged up- and drunk, so I took the baby and fed him and bathed him and put him to sleep, never saying anything to my husband but waiting for him to fall asleep. I knew I had to wait to make my move...I couldnt take the baby out in the storm and we lived miles from the nearest neighbor and didn't have a phone..... and I was afraid of what the idiot would do if I tried to leave anyway.
When the idiot finally fell asleep- or passed out, I stood over him, looking at the knife he had held to my son's throat and quite literally had to talk myself out of doing to him what he had threatened to do to the baby. Luckily I was coherent enough to realize that going to prison for murder wouldnt help my children or let me see them grow up. But it scared me that he could drive me to actually consider doing it- seriously.
But I waited, and I made plans, and finally was able to make my escape with nothing but my children and the clothes on our back. I was still scared to death of him, but I had a plan.
With the help of my parents, I bought a mobile home and put it on the back of their property, in view of the main house so if he came round, they would be able to see what was happening and call the police.And daddy owned guns....LOTS of guns.
 And I went back to school.
And majored in Criminal Justice. I made LOTS of friends in the Sector...... And got a job in Law Enforcement. First in Security, and then into the Police Force, and then finally going back into Private Security and Consulting.I learned how to protect myself and my loved ones...both thru self-defense, and by learning to use weapons. Big Ones.
It's what I've done since I was 23 years old.... off and on(mostly on)for the past 25+ years. It's defined me- who I am and what I did...I protected myself and my kids and the people I love from the bad guys. (Sometimes from the good guys too but that's a WHOLE different story for another time!!)
And then I moved here. To England. And none of my credentials are any good here. If I go back into Law Enforcement, I have to go thru the whole process all over again here in the UK. And I honestly don't have the drive, nor the need, to do it all again. Before- it was for protection.....I have a husband now who I don't have to worry about hurting me or my kids(who are all grown up now and know how to protect themselves, btw).
And to quote Danny Glover..."I'm getting too old for this shit." Not that I can't, because I could, but it's a two or three year process. And it's expensive as HELL to get re-certified over here to be as qualified as I was over there in the States..... And since I already have all the training, I just can't justify the time or cost to go thru it all again.
So now I have to decide which way I want to go with my life. What direction do I take now? The only other things I'm really qualified to do is decorate for holidays- and the Brits certainly are NOT into that from what I've seen so far- OR cook- I'm certified in Culinary Arts, but it's been so long since I worked in a restaurant I have forgotten everything I learned about it and I effing HATE cooking when I'm not in the mood......I DO like to bake- but mostly Specialty Cakes and the Brits are really more into Savory Treats than Sweets..... and clean. I can clean like a demon. I've done a bit of Reception work too, but it was more in a front line Security capacity rather than an actual "straight" receptionist line so there was no "Excel and Word" work for me.

So where do I go from here?
It's a HELL of a Conundrum......

Happy Fathers Day....

                                                          My Hero-My Dad

Charles E. Miller.......05/31/30 - 09/24/05
I miss you, Daddy.

Easy Alternative

Step #1: Start with a nine-inch plate. Take a ruler and measure across your plate to make sure it is not too large.

Step #2: Fill one-half of the plate with non-starchy vegetables, either cooked or raw. Fill one-fourth of the plate with a serving of protein. Fill the last fourth of the plate with a carbohydrate-rich food (1 carb serving is 15 grams).

Step #3: Add 1 cup (8 fl oz) of low-fat milk or 1 container (6-8 oz) of light yogurt to your meal (1 carb serving is 15 grams).

Step #4: Select one serving of fruit to go along with your meal (1 carb serving is 15 grams).

Step #5: Complete your meal with one or two servings of healthy fats. This could be a tablespoon of salad dressing, 1 or 2 teaspoons of olive oil used to saut� vegetables or a teaspoon of mayonnaise for a sandwich.This simple plate method works well when you dine out, eat at a party, or aren't able to read labels to count carbs, but be sure to discuss the plate method with your doctor first.

Step #1: Start with a nine-inch plate. Take a ruler and measure across your plate to make sure it is not too large.

Step #2: Fill one-half of the plate with non-starchy vegetables, either cooked or raw. Fill one-fourth of the plate with a serving of protein. Fill the last fourth of the plate with a carbohydrate-rich food (1 carb serving is 15 grams).

Step #3: Add 1 cup (8 fl oz) of low-fat milk or 1 container (6-8 oz) of light yogurt to your meal (1 carb serving is 15 grams).

Step #4: Select one serving of fruit to go along with your meal (1 carb serving is 15 grams).

Step #5: Complete your meal with one or two servings of healthy fats. This could be a tablespoon of salad dressing, 1 or 2 teaspoons of olive oil used to saut� vegetables or a teaspoon of mayonnaise for a sandwich.

This simple plate method works well when you dine out, eat at a party, or aren't able to read labels to count carbs, but be sure to discuss the plate method with your doctor first.

No Excuses NOW!!!

All the times I've said (and hear OTHER people say)..."I'll do it when I get around to it..." and then promptly forgot  about it?????

Well, no excuse now. Here's our Round Tuit...So let's get ON with it......

 IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Real Life Seeping Into My Dreams.....

This morning, after my sweet husband had toddled off to work, I fell back asleep and had the loveliest dream.

 I drempt Paul and I had a lovely spacious apartment, and had a little dog and a kitten.(This part was due to the fact I have been looking at flats(apartments) in the paper lately when I'm also looking for jobs). The complex where we lived had 5 swimming pools.... three in-ground, and two underground.(This part I think was because of all the kids we heard in their paddling pools over this weekend and I was SOOOO jealous of them!!!) I decided to explore the pools so I put on my running capris and a sports bra top- and went by the complex office to get a copy of the complex map.( I've also been walking and running and have recently been reprogramming my fitness regime to see if I can up my weight loss.) They were locked up tight, so I couldnt get a map for myself, but they had one posted on the window, so I took note of the pool locations and off I went to find them.  I went outside and found the first one just fine. A couple of my friends, Stephanie King and Kimberly Moffet, were in it but it was only three feet deep and they were going to look at the other ones. I went in one direction and they headed off in the other and we said we would call each other and let each other know about the other pools we found. Now these pools were on a terraced area- One was at the back of the building where our apartment was...Thats where I found Steph and Kimbers.
The next one I found was a little ways down the path- but lo and behold- it was only a kiddie pool and had less than 6 inches of water in it. So I walked to the end of it- and almost walked into a hole in the ground. I backed up and looked into the hole and saw a pool in the underground, but had to find a way down to it. (I think this part was due to the amount of MINECRAFT I've been playing lately...) So I went into a hallway and lo and behold, there was a steep stairway- almost like a gangway on a submarine to the lower level....I slid down it- back to the actual steps with only my feet and hands on the actual rails(let me tell you- my athletic ability is simply AMAZING in MY dreams) and when I got to the bottom- I was at the base of the lower deck pool. It was absolutely stunning, all curves and deep blue water with a white sand beach and sand on the bottom of the pool.....more like a natural lagoon except it was underground)- and not a soul in sight. (I've been having daydreams about going to a deserted island with clear blue water and white sand beaches a LOT lately- and I am NOT much of a beach person, per se.)

But for some reason that pool just didn't interest me anymore. I landed on my feet and after a quick glance at the lovely sight of it- I was running down the trail outside the building. I felt amazing....so light and free. I felt so on top of the world I just kept running, and kept running(I saw a quote from Forrest Gump the other day so this is prob where that part came in- I LOVE that movie!!)...Past rows and rows of houses that looked amazingly like the houses on Crescent and McDaniels Avenue in Greenville, South Carolina.
Big leafy trees and the sweet smell of azealas and magnolia and jasmine blossoms in the air and a gentle breeze blowing making it perfect for a walk or run in the park. (A touch of homesickness seeping into my dreams?)

And then as I came to the end of my run, there was a trail up a mountainside and I could see a beautiful  black polished granite building at  the top of it, so I decided to walk up there and check it out before going back to the apartment(flat).
When I got to the top- it was a lovely restaurant, all glass and chrome and black leather. The view was spectacular- and when I walked around the side of the building, there was the most amazing pool I had ever seen.( I chalk this up to the Pinterest stuff I've been pinning lately.) It was on the side of the mountain- just below the sight of the restaurant, and it had a cascading waterfall that filled the main pool about 25 feet below but it was amazingly quiet! The cascading water sounded more like a fountain  water feature you would find in the back garden(yard) of a nice house.(Again- MIL talking about getting her water feature up and running yesterday when we was doing out BBQ in the back garden) Just about 10 feet above the main pool and off to the side inset into the rock was a jacuzzi spa overlooking the main pool.(The Jaccuzi spa is due to the photos of Whirlpool baths I have been looking at with my MIL since she decided to re-do the bath in our house- No- she wasnt looking at them for the bath- we was just thinking in a PERFECT world that's what we would want in our bath)
Well, There was no one in this amazing pool either, so I did what any relatively sane female in my family would do.

I went skinny dipping.
And just as I laid back to enjoy the sun and the water and the solitude...I woke up.

Dohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I know that was only 4 pools I told you about, but I never found the last one....and I never heard back from Step and Kimbers either, so I figure they found it and it was so nice they completely forgot to call me because they were having such an amazing time!!!)

Just Sayin'.......

Just Sayin'.......

OMG.....I Got One!!!

I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon. An honest to God, face to face job interview!!!
Oh PLEASE say a prayer or send some good Mojo my way.
I SOOOOOOOOO want and need this job!!!!