Well, if you are under the illusion that Goddesses always are demure, calm, collected, and elegant.....don't read any further. I'm about to destroy that myth in a very adult way so you've been warned.
Granted, we usually are usually all those
things I listed above., But this week has been EPIC for humbling me and
not taking myself too seriously....and it's only TUESDAY????? Oh My.
so yesterday, I got up threw on my pair of hot fuscia lacy legged
undies from my baby doll sleep set and went to the bathroom to wash my
hair and do my makeup. Well, I did all that- then in the rush threw on
my clothes to go into the office. Now because of my IBS- I wear a bit
less constrictive clothing into the office until I can get a grip on the
problem, so office wear yesterday consisted of a pair of black yoga
pants, black flat boots, with a long knee length black cardi over a red
ribbed stretch button-front blouse. No one can see under our desks so
to the casual observer, I was wearing a nice office outfit.
problem came in when I walked all the way to the kitchen for a cup of
coffee and my bottle of water from the cooler. I had taken off my cardi
when I first arrived and didn't think twice about putting it back on
just to go to the kitchen. As I was waiting on my water bottle to fill I
reached back to smooth my pants down in the back- sort of a nervous tic
I have, and as I ran my hand over my backside, I felt a ridge.
Well, not so much a RIDGE as a flipping speed bump!!!
my rush, I had left on the ruffled leg undies from the baby doll set
and put on my yoga pants over them. Usually when I get up I grab my
undies and don them as I'm in the bathroom after my shower and when I
walk out to get dressed.......well, you get the picture.
anyway, I'm standing there and the office is about half full of office
mates and now I have to walk all the way back down to my desk in the far
corner of the building past all these people sporting my ruffled speed
bump under my clingy yoga pants.
.........Yeah. I heard a couple of snickers. Keep walking.
as if that wasn't bad enough- the top I had on decided that when I bent
over to get my lunch out of the fridge it was going to pop the buttons
out of the buttonholes. except for the very bottom one. Jeez, thanks.
with a kitchen full of people AGAIN- there I am standing trying to keep
from dropping my lunch while trying to close my shirt up so no one gets
a flash of my magnificent Mams.
Good Lord....Could it get any worse, I asked myself?.........
Well, funny I should ask....because today- it did.
we all know I have IBS...and after making sure I wore a MUCH better and
more secure outfit today, I walked to the kitchen at lunchtime to get
my second bottle of water- and just as I got the cap off- IBS pains
hit.....so Off I run to the ladies......run in, close the stall door,
throw the lock and jerk down my panties.
And scream so loud it rattled the window in there- which was OPEN BTW!!!
almost time for Auntie Flo and as a precautionary measure I had used a
pantyliner in my undies- just in case- and my badly in need of a trim
landing strip strays got caught in the adhesive backing and was RIPPED
OUT when I jerked my undies down- so yes- it hurt- I shrieked....LOUDLY.
...it was truly an epic moment for me. Try explaining THAT to people
who are standing around because they heard a woman shriek and was
wondering what was going on.
THEN...... No the rest of this really isn't about me- unless you ...well, you will see when you read it.
Around 3PM, we were back at our desks and one of my office mates was on
the phone...I'm not sure if it was a client or a colleague he was
talking with, but another office mate was looking out the window at a
guy in the parking lot who was doing some asphalt maintenance who had
what was essentially- a flamethrower...and he said as much. Office mate
#1 tells his caller to please hold, then comes over to look out and then
is supremely disappointed when it's not a huge flamethrower like you
see in the movies. He proceeds to go back and TELL the caller
that"Someone in the office said there was someone out in the parking lot
with a flamethrower and I had to go check it out- but it wasn't really
a flamethrower- so where was we...?"
Office mate #2 and I was
chuckling at this point because Office mate #1 is always doing and
saying things that no one other than he could EVER in a thousand years
get away with....and we LOVE it!!...and about 10 seconds later- the
Ice-cream van shows up in the parking lit blaring its carnival music and
Office-Mate #2 and I have tears rolling down our faces we are laughing
so hard. That poor guy on the phone must have thought he had
accidentally called the insane asylum.....But somehow Office-mate #1
just went right on with the conversation and took care of business- just
like a true professional....... And yes- there was a few people who
took a much needed break and went out and bought themselves an
Hubby didn't find any of this amusing- he said he reckoned it was just some of those- you had to BE there kinda moments..........
But for me it's days like this that break the
monotony and make us smile. And now- these epic situations have been
recorded and will go down in history.
It's not always pretty with me- but it's always honest.