Hard Day...

It's been a truly difficult day.

I got in to work...so far behind it's not even funny.  But I worked diligently despite the programs I was using freezing up and having to restart the entire system 10 times.... honestly, I'm not even joking. 10 times. Nightmare.

I finally was on the verge of tears and decided to go grab a quick coffee and check my blogs.

And there it was. The End.  Michael's farewell to his blog. Tears welled up and I quickly read it as I walked back to my desk with my coffee in hand. (Michael, I'm not writing this to make you feel bad...honestly, I know I will still hear from you and that's fine altho I will miss your blog terribly as I have already said.)  So I get myself under control....do another hours work and as I'm on another call, a voicemail pops up on my desk phone.
As soon as I finish the call I'm on I tap in my code for my voicemail and listen to it.

It was a sweet little Irish lady informing me of her name, her husband's name- who the appointment was for,  and the fact that we wouldn't need to do an inspection of equipment tomorrow as her husband had passed away two weeks ago- whilst she was in the hospital herself. Her voice broke as she said that and she began crying as she said the equipment had been collected just yesterday. She then thanked me and hung up. It broke my heart the raw emotion in her voice and I completely lost it. My throat closed up and my eyes filled with tears and rolled down my cheeks and I tried unsuccessfully to get my emotions under control. I was sobbing. That one bit of emotion  brought all the pain and grief of Daddy and Clay's passing back like it was yesterday. 
My office mate, Tom asked if I was okay and I shook my head, trying desperately to get back in control of my emotions.
The lady had left out one vital bit of information and I had to call her back to get it so we could cancel the appointment and hopefully not cause her more anguish than she was already going thru.

I quickly walked to the ladies room and sobbed for a full twenty minutes before I could get myself back in control. I splashed water on my face-  wiped off the mascara that was ruined, and walked back to my desk. I sat down and picked up the phone....and immediately felt my throat start closing up again. I put the phone down. I sat there for another 5 minutes occupying myself with a bit of my other work. I picked up the phone again. I hesitated and put it down again. I worked another few minutes on my spreadsheet.

I finally felt able to make the call, so I tapped in the number and waited. She answered and I introduced myself and  apologized as I explained I just needed to get one vital bit of information from her so I could  cancel the appointment. I needed her address and postcode.  My voice broke. I was having the worst time ever trying to hold myself together to finish that conversation. She apologized for not remembering to leave that info and I told her I completely understood and was so sorry for her loss. She gave me the information I needed and apologized again and thanked me for the concern. And then she asked me if I was alright. I told her yes ma'am. I had suffered a loss too and I understood what she was going thru. I then told her we would get the appointment canceled and she shouldn't be receiving anymore appointment letters from us in future. And we hung up. And I started crying again.

Tomorrow has got to be better, ......right?

Sad Day

Today, I came online to read my daily dose of reading happiness- otherwise known as reading my favorite blogs.

I went to my usual first- In Dodd We Trust- and found the author has decided to call it quits after 10 years of blogging.
He had given us fair warning that he was thinking about doing it a few short weeks ago- and I have been trying to get used to the idea of not having it to read- even tho a good many times it's just a photo. But it's always a photo that makes you THINK about the symbolism.

Truthfully, I am heartbroken, but I totally understand that we all need a break once in a while - even from the things we enjoy most.

To Michael- I say (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont go!!!) - I mean-enjoy your time away. It has been a pure joy to have you as a part of my blog-life these past years. You have given me insight to things in life I might never have known otherwise.
You will be greatly missed.

Thank you.
And please don't be a stranger.

Hugs,
Sunny x

Blackout

Im home with a migraine today.

How oh how I wish we had blackout curtains to put up!!!

Someday, I shall have them in my whole house.

My hubby has booked my flight home for November. Im looking forward to being home with the rest of the ones I love.
I'm going to surprise my mom....I'm telling her I'm flying in the night before Thanksgiving...but I'm going to surprise her by showing up a couple of days early.

That's all that's new in my world....and about as much light from the laptop as I can deal with for one day.

Prayers for all the people involved in the Orlando shooting. My heart goes out to them all.

Bullet-Proof...NOT!

I just watched a video of a shooting incident at the baggage area of Dallas Love Airport. (Video: Bryan Armstrong/@FlashyFilms_)

In it there are people all around- outside- and when the gunshots are fired the people just stop and look around and start asking what's going on..... More shots fired....and they are still just standing there - a couple have pulled out their phones to start vid-ing it AS the shots continue to be fired.

People were being incredibly stupid. I couldn't believe my eyes.
Even just watching the video- when I heard the shots fired- and they were LOUD because it was that close- my first instinct, even tho I was sitting in my recliner at the time, was to reach for my weapon......only I'm not law-enforcement anymore. I dont carry. I don't have a safety net to rely on. That makes me sad. More sad than you can possibly imagine.  My second instinct was to get down on the floor. And then reality came back and I was watching the video. The gunshots were a video- I and the people around me were not in any danger, I could breathe again.
I watched the video as these people just milled around trying to rubberneck instead of doing what any sane person would do- either hit the ground to avoid flying bullets or try to find a place to hide til it was safe...or quite possibly even run AWAY from the sounds of the gunfire.
Not just stand there wanting to see what's going on like they were bullet-proof. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when did cameras or phones start coming with weapon proof full body surround shields?

What is WRONG with people these days? Are we so desensitized to violence that we actually THINK we ARE bulletproof and that technology is so advanced that even if we DO get shot the doctors will  be able to patch us up good as new?????
What has happened to our flight or fight instinct? Mine's definitely not gone. I went for my weapon- then immediately upon realizing I couldn't FIGHT- my thoughts went straight to get down to (somewhat relative) safety on the ground.

We all need to sit down and have a long hard think about what to do in situations like these- they are happening more and more in the world we live in these days. Bombings....beheadings on the street, shootings in nightclubs, cafes, movie theatres.
For God's sake people- we do not live in the candy coated flower strewn world we'd like to think we do. Bad things dont only happen to others....sometimes WE ARE THE OTHERS the bad things happen to.

Think!!!! Use the brain God gave you!!!!

Rant over....ish.

I'm so Excited!!!

Exciting News!!!!

I'm booking a flight end of the month to go on a visit home For Thanksgiving. My mom's health is not the best- and neither is my daughter's and mine to be perfectly honest.  I long to see my family. And I'm honestly not sure whether or not my mom will be with us next year when I originally planned on going back for my next visit. I've been having dreams recently about losing mom...probably because her 80th Birthday will be in August, but I've had predictive  dreams before. Most notably the one three days before my son, Clay's, Accident that took him from us. In the dream the boys were together- and it took three days for him to pass. I didn't know which  son it was in the dream, and three days later, my son had his accident and left us.
Anyway, I'm not taking any chances.... I'm going home in November for a visit. That's the soonest I can save enough money to  go back comfortably. I'm also going back Thanksgiving because my mom wants to have at least ONE more big Thanksgiving Dinner together before she passes. And I mean to make it happen unless the good Lord has other plans before I make it home.

I have 5 months set as my goal to get to One-derland. Below 200 lbs weight-wise.  I've been doing pretty well with my activity and diet- so I'm going to up the routine every week. I think it's doable- but JUST - and IF I really bust my butt to do it. So off we go!!

I posted a new photo on my lavadasp52.blogspot.co.uk...It was at lunch and I was a bit bored so I just snapped a quick photo with my phone cam.

I'm so glad it's the weekend. Finally.