Ladies.......PLEASE!!!!

Ladies.....

I realize it's a BUSY time of year for you what with the added chores and errands. But let me take a minute to remind you...

When you're driving is not the time to MULTI-TASK!

Don't be trying to drive and putting on your make-up at the same time. If you do I might be beside you and if you keep easing over into my lane and look like you might run me off the road, when you take out that lipstick and start looking in the mirror- I will- and I SWEAR to you I WILL-drive up to just behind your line of sight and as that lipstick goes on your lips-LAY DOWN ON MY HORN.
You will look like a clown and have to pull over to fix the mess anyway so just save us some time and put on the make-up while you're in your house- or at least home in the driveway.

Now another thing.......Don't be talking on your cellphone unless you are VERY VERY sure you can do it and be alert to what is going on around you. Now in the past- and this happened again this morning........ stopped at a red light, woman in front is yakkity-yakking on her cell- digging in her purse for God-knows-what,(Probally Make-up) and sits thru three lights-totally ignoring the people behind her tapping their horns in aggitation. At the third changing, I got out of my car, and pulled a Kevins Mom(Home Alone 1,scene at the Paris Airport after realizing kevin is Home Alone).....I walked up to the car window-reached in got the phone from a very stunned woman- and told the person on the other line she would have to call back later. I hung it up, handed it back to her and asked her to look at the light because it was going to change to green in about 10 seconds. And she did and we all went merrily on our way(was damn lucky- again.)

One last thing- don't be driving along and looking back in the back seat yelling at the kids. You can't do both at the same time. Trust me, you will- at some point- either have an accident- or CAUSE one. My Daddy used to have a saying"DON'T MAKE ME STOP THIS CAR!!!!!"
And if they don't stop whatever it is that they need yelling at about- STOP THE CAR!
If you have to- Bring their uncontrollable lil asses back home as punishment- we don't want them running around like wild hellions in public anyway.



Now Normally I am not a violent person, but you ladies are driving me to do really stupid things. Please help me save my sanity and stay out of jail........

Thank you.

Point-Click-Edit-Rotate

I have been palying second life too much.



I walked into the supermarket the other day. Over the beer cooler unit was a fire-pit I thought Pauli might like for Christmas. No price on it anywhere but I could see a price flag on th other side towards the wall. So what did I do?
I raised my arm and POINTED towards the firepit to click on EDIT to rotate the thing so I could see the pricetag.
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No, Iwas NOT playing SL- I was at the local supermarket in my hometown!!
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Sitting home the other day I was thinking about my upcoming Thanksgiving Day dinner and was thinking that I could re-arrange my furniture in my living room to sit more people in it. So what did I do?
Raised my arm to click on Edit to move my furniture around.

I'm going to bed now.......................................... Night everyone.

WARNING!!! STUNTS Are Preformed By Professionals & Should NOT Be Tried At Home By Amateurs.

LMAO!

Last night Paulius and I were having a wonderful conversation over the phone while I was at work.

As the conversation was coming to a close I asked him......"So you ARE going to go with me to run errands tomorrow afternoon, right?"

To which he gave his normal reply....HUGE SIGH with somewhat put upon voice..."I SUPPOOOOOOSE so......"

Now, normally, I would have just said "Okay." and said I loved him and I would see him in the morning when I got home- but the conversation was going so well I thought I would infuse a bit of that British Wit and Sarcasm into it.

Stupid Move on my part.

I instead said-with the same amount of sarcasm and put upon voice as he used...." FINE- NEVER minddddddd.......You don't HAVVVVVVVE to...."
To which he replied..." I WAS JOKING!!!!! DAMMIT.... you know what.???......................"
and then...................

Before I even had time to laugh about it- .............


He HUNG UP ON ME!!!!!

I started ROTF laughing because, OBVIOUSLY, he hadn't realized it was me trying to be all sarcastically witty like him-(British in other words), so I dialed him back.


And he refused to answer the phone.
Seven times.
On the eight time he actually picked up and immediately HUNG UP again without saying a word.

And Obviously by this time I had STOPPED laughing 'cause it wasn't quite so funny anymore.
My hubby was really pissed at me for something he thought I meant one way but was taken the WRONG way.

So I decided then and there that being sarcastically funny like a Brit does NOT translate to Southern very well and should NOT be tried again by me, Cause It just makes me a BITCH- which I assure you I am NOT.

In conclusion .........let me just say....

Leave the witty sarcasm to the PROFESSIONALS-(The ACTUAL Brits) and don't try it at home if you're an amature like me.

And to Paulius- let me just say....It was an attempt to be cute that failed miserably. And you are the ONLY person in my life I've EVER had hang up on me and has gotten by with it. Anyone else would either be dead or strung up by their balls.

And that's because I love you so damn much.

WARNING!

The Great Darkness (Part 1)

The numbing coldness swirls around my feet on the ground
Inching up my body
Covering me with it's despair
The hopelessness squeezing the life from my soul.

Happiness and contentment draining away
Like the last ray of sunshine before the night falls.

Am I still here
Or have I disappeared into the darkness that has come to claim me?

I am Afraid.

The silence is deafening
And the Great Darkness is upon me and it is Terrifying.

There is no up or down
Only a Dizzying Directionless void that spins me into oblivion
As I cry silent tears..................................
And I wonder-
Will anyone know that I am gone..............................................