Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ladies.......PLEASE!!!!

Ladies.....

I realize it's a BUSY time of year for you what with the added chores and errands. But let me take a minute to remind you...

When you're driving is not the time to MULTI-TASK!

Don't be trying to drive and putting on your make-up at the same time. If you do I might be beside you and if you keep easing over into my lane and look like you might run me off the road, when you take out that lipstick and start looking in the mirror- I will- and I SWEAR to you I WILL-drive up to just behind your line of sight and as that lipstick goes on your lips-LAY DOWN ON MY HORN.
You will look like a clown and have to pull over to fix the mess anyway so just save us some time and put on the make-up while you're in your house- or at least home in the driveway.

Now another thing.......Don't be talking on your cellphone unless you are VERY VERY sure you can do it and be alert to what is going on around you. Now in the past- and this happened again this morning........ stopped at a red light, woman in front is yakkity-yakking on her cell- digging in her purse for God-knows-what,(Probally Make-up) and sits thru three lights-totally ignoring the people behind her tapping their horns in aggitation. At the third changing, I got out of my car, and pulled a Kevins Mom(Home Alone 1,scene at the Paris Airport after realizing kevin is Home Alone).....I walked up to the car window-reached in got the phone from a very stunned woman- and told the person on the other line she would have to call back later. I hung it up, handed it back to her and asked her to look at the light because it was going to change to green in about 10 seconds. And she did and we all went merrily on our way(was damn lucky- again.)

One last thing- don't be driving along and looking back in the back seat yelling at the kids. You can't do both at the same time. Trust me, you will- at some point- either have an accident- or CAUSE one. My Daddy used to have a saying"DON'T MAKE ME STOP THIS CAR!!!!!"
And if they don't stop whatever it is that they need yelling at about- STOP THE CAR!
If you have to- Bring their uncontrollable lil asses back home as punishment- we don't want them running around like wild hellions in public anyway.



Now Normally I am not a violent person, but you ladies are driving me to do really stupid things. Please help me save my sanity and stay out of jail........

Thank you.

3 comments:

Lois said...

It's not just ladies yakking on cell phones and not paying attention to traffic. Gentlemen are also quite guilty of thinking they are the only ones on the road with cell phones plastered to their ears ... as evidenced by my almost getting sideswiped on a daily basis. It is quite dangerous on the roads here in South Florida. Oh ... and taking someone's cell phone away from them at a light could get you shot here.

Be careful out there, Sunny.

mistyforeverlost said...

I hate cell phone drivers. And I hate people who put make up on while driving even more!

AmeliaGrace said...

A friend of mine applies her makeup while she's driving. I thought people only did that in movies! I didn't think anyone was ridiculous enough to do it in real life! Lordy.