Little Fish/ Invisible Fish

There is a possibility there may be VERY adult language in this post. 

If you are easily offended- I would advise you read no further.

Yes, it's going to be a vent. I haven't said more than two words in the past 2 hours. It has to be some kind of record for me. Except for when I was in the hospital almost dead. I'm stewing. No- I'm LIVID.

I had a really bad day- and it's all because of communication...The lack of- and the excessive amount of as well.

At the risk of being accused of living in the past- I was a bit of a troubleshooter in my old job. I worked with a person who listened to what I said and trusted my judgement in situations. They went to a site- and a few weeks later, I would be transferred to the same site at their request. I would work there for a few months- or a few weeks(some things you could see right away- others took a bit more time to uncover) and then I would write out a report or have a meeting or both- with the Big Boss and report on what  I had seen. I would say- this is a problem, this is why it's occurring, and this is how I see a possibility of it be remedied. The Boss LISTENED, asked questions, and let me  have my say- they followed the vine as I went along and didn't ONCE interrupt me to say NO. They listened to me from start to finish and then asked their questions.....usually I answered them in the vine before the end of my presentation saving us all a lot of time wasting and backtracking and getting off course.
Then, afterwards, they went off on their own and looked at what I had presented and talked amongst themselves and then decided what could be implemented and what truly wasn't  viable.   What I said and observed MATTERED. I was a Little Fish in a Big Pond- but I mattered as much as the big fish because I could see things that were hidden away and swept under the rug when the Big Boss Fish were around, so to speak, just to make the outside look all shiney and perfect.

Now, I feel like an Invisible Fish in the desert. I see things that could be fixed, but before I even get it halfway out of my mouth I'm dismissed as you dont know what you are talking about and it's not going to happen. I've been there 4 years and I see all kinds of things that could be improved upon. People need to say "I'm doing this today and so YOU dont need to do this"- or "you DO need to do this." Not just a casual "I spent all morning doing this"  and that being it. I dont know what your doing that has to do with what I do unless you TELL me it will impact my part of the process.  And for God's sake- people would have a LOT more time to do their own jobs if they stopped having 20 minute conversations with people about what they did in their bloody back garden over the weekend 12 times a day!! And then immediately going out afterwards of having those conversations to have a 10 minute smoke break.  I cant ask questions about what you've done if you are off having a chitchat about this or that or helping some in another department do their work. And I'm fucking SICK of it. I'm sick of getting yelled at and bitched and moaned at about  something not happening because something was moved and I wasn't informed in a clear and concise manner.
And another thing- if you are having conversation with others in your area- use your INSIDE voices- no one wants to hear the little inside jokes when they dont understand and no one understands the inner workings of your area of expertise so the other departments dont need to hear the details. It's nothing but distracting and in an open concept office with 75 people in it it's just too much!

And about office etiquette... when you go to have a discussion with a person, DO NOT LEAN, PROP, OR SIT YOUR ASS DOWN ON ANOTHER PERSON'S DESK TO HAVE THAT DISCUSSION. If you feel the need to do any of those things, do it on the persons desk you are talking with......or better yet- pull up an empty chair and sit in it beside the person you came to see like the civilized person you were brought up to be.

Also, if you are hungry, buy your own lunch, do not take another persons lunch out of the fridge. If it doesnt belong to you- leave it alone is a very good rule of thumb.
That same rule also applies to if you are talking with someone and need to write something down. DO NOT just pick up someones writing implement and use it and MAYBE then ask do you mind.
YES, I DO MIND- one of my pet peeves is having someone use my damn pen. I do not know where your hands have been or if you wash your hands after going to the loo- so I dont want anyone's hands on MY pen except me....The only exception to that rule is my hubby as he works in the same building as I do. Everyone else just needs to keep their bloody hands OFF all my things.

If I'm on my phone at my desk- dont assume I'm just faffing about on company time. I'm on my bloody break. I have a sick mom and she is frequently in the hospital and my family text me to keep me updated on her condition.  Alll the other people take 10 minute smoke breaks....when I need a break I pull out my phone and check my texts- it takes about 3 minutes- a HELL of a lot less time than it does to smoke a cigarette.  And if I'm outside not smoking- I'm stretching my legs and back. Dont ask me why I'm out if I dont smoke. It's not a good idea to sit at a desk for 9 hours straight without a break and I'll be damned if I'm risking my health for a company who doesnt give a crap about anything  but how much they can get out of you.
I give my best to the company while I'm at work and ask for damn little in return.

I dont want to sound like the Office Nazi here, I like a bit of a nice chat to make the day go by faster too, but everything we do impacts the other people around us. Use your BRAIN!!! Keep unnecessary
cit-chat to an acceptable level. Some people need to be able to hear themselves think and concentrate to do their work....or hear the other person on the other end of the phone. And if you have time to dilly-dally about all day- you clearly dont have enough to do....I have some work you can help with. Be my guest.


End of Rant....... For now.

Bits and Bobs....And the 4th of July

Well, This has been a very emotional weekend and it's not even over yet.

We went to Haydock/St. Helens yesterday and picked up some packages from the parents house. I had got hubby to order me a set of Cards Against Humanity for my visit home. On Thanksgiving I'm hoping I can get a few of the family to paly it with me. It's fun and I know they will love it once they get into it. I got the UK version, but I'm going to get the US version also to add to it so it will be evened out a bit. The only US version that was available was almost a hundred dollars so I got the starter version of the UK one first. It's actually generic enough to be able to understand for us all.

As I said earlier- I started my new eating plan on Friday- with a Famine day. So, Saturday while we were in Haydock/St Hels, we stopped at Burger King for our usual Saturday Brunch and I got a Bacon Double Cheeseburger meal. This is after about 30 hours of no food -by that time of day. That was an awesome burger, let me tell you. My taste buds came ALIVE after no food the day before. I prob should have went for the smaller version of it, to be honest as my tummy was FULL by the time I finished it. But it was okay....I ate a lot less when I got home and made Paul and I a late light supper of Turkey Roll ups, scrambled eggs and hash brown triangles. And I had a Mint choc bar and with all that I was barely over my 2000 cal for the day. Only by 122 calories. So next time I can adjust what I eat a bit.  And be a bit UNDER the 200.... I can get the smaller version of the Burger and fries for a savings of over 600 cals.  So there you go.  I can eat out and not go nuts.

Okay so anyway.....I also got a new lippy. I've been having a problem with wearing my makeup the way I want, because my hubby doesn't like to "wear " my lippy when I'm wearing it and he kisses me. So I've been having to do my lipstick after we get to work and I go upstairs because if I have on lipstick hubby tends to give me either "Air" kisses or a peck on the cheek. I don't like those. I feel like I'm being friend zoned by my own hubby!! And I dont like going out with my make-up half done either so iI've been having to choose between having my makeup done and looking good or getting kisses from hubby. And of course Hubby wins-every time.
Well, I asked my UK Bezzie Betty if she could suggest a kissable lippy over here in the UK since the one I used in the states doesn't seem to be sold here, and she told me which one she quite likes. I finally found it a couple of weeks ago- but they were out of the two shades I know would suit me. So I kept looking and kept looking and finally yesterday- they had it!!!! - well, one shade of it anyway.

It's advertised as a 16 hour color-stay lipstick. I kept my fingers crossed and put it on when we got home yesterday afternoon. Easy- put it on- wait about 60 seconds for it to dry then coat with the clear overcoat. Wait til it dries- another minute- you're done.  After an hour- I made me and hubby a brew.....and not a bit of lippy on my cup. Nothing. I hadn't said anything to hubby at that point....I waited.
So we watched a movie, ate our light supper, our usual. He got up- went to the study to record a video  for his gaming channel and as he did so I decided to try the lippy to see just how kissable it was. I kissed the palm of my hand to see how it did. My jaw dropped. Nothing after a few hours, still!!! I did it again. A bit harder.  Nothing.
So I followed hubby into the study and showed him on my hand. He got up- grabbed me and gave me a big smeary OTT kiss with a LOT of lip movement. Pulled away- Nothing. Not even a TINY faint smudge. His reaction....."Holy Crap!!!!" And he's been kissing me -OFTEN- ever since!! And of course I cried- happy tears of course.
I fell asleep in my recliner last night and when I woke up I just turned off the lights and went straight to bed- I forgot to take my makeup off. When I got up this morning- it was STILL on my lips where I left it- none on my pillowcases, none on my face, none on the sheets- and when I looked in the mirror- only the inside of my lips nearest my teeth was starting to fade just a tiny bit!!!

Thank You RIMMEL of London for creating PROVOCALIPS!!!!!!! And thank you Betty!!!!!

Okay so on to other things. I called my Bezzie, Rhonni, and altho she was getting ready for work we had a very nice conversation. I didn't keep her long, but we plan to speak again soon to have a catch-up. I miss her so much!!!! Thelma & Louise forever!!!

I also called my Uncle Freddy to see how he was doing. Last time we spoke he had the flu and was feeling really poorly. No answer so I assumed he was out and about and feeling better than the last time we spoke. I'll catch up with him again later on. I also had a lovely conversation with my Sis-in-law Doris and later on with my Baby Brother, Charlie. They're getting geared up for their new home to be built in the next couple of months. I'm so excited for them!!!!
I was going to call my daughter too- but all her kids were out of the house for the day and she had ALONE time so I let her enjoy it. A nap, bubble bath, watching whatever SHE wants on TV....Go for it baby Girl!! I know how precious and rare those moments/hours are, so I let her be yesterday.

It's 4th of July weekend so I've been listening to all my favorite songs for the Holiday. Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA is one of my particular favorites. Especially this version by an a Capella group called Home Free.

 And of course it sets my homesickness in full blast and I'm crying. Thank God for waterproof mascara!

Happy Independence Day
to One and All!!

Feast & Famine

My God looking back over this blog I have tried a boatload of diets and strategies.

Well, one that worked for me years ago is one I'm going to try again.
The Feast & Famine.
So I've been doing a bit of research the past few days on the human body- and have seen a lot of studies think that  the Feast or Famine way of eating is how the body best works from an evolutionary
standpoint.

Well, It worked for me once before when I didn't actually know why it might- so here we go again.

I deliberately decided to start on July 1st(today) and I wanted to start on a Famine day. Now  that means I need to stay under 500 calories on a famine day- but I personally do better with an all or nothing mentality when it comes to food.
So I am having as many as three cups of coffee a day. And all the water I need. So far I have had two cups of coffee and two bottles of water. I'm being careful to stay hydrated and my kidneys and bladder function efficiently, regardless of what day it is.

I've found that I can do without food all day with no problems- I might get an occasional twinge of hunger if I smell something really nice, but I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is having just a taste of something really nice that's full of calories in one shape or form and then not being able to have a full serving. Or having a platter of bland tasteless food that I wouldn't let my pet eat.

I've been without food all day...well, actually since 8PM last night and I really thought by lunch I would be all kinds of crabby and head-achy. But I wasn't. I had my coffee and took my meds with my water and went on about work.....even when office-mate #1Tom waved Chocolate under my nose offering me a bon-bon before he knew I was fasting today. Nor was I the least bit bothered by office-mate #2 Wendy when she pulled out her pasta salad for her lunch.

I thought oh my gosh- by suppertime I will be ravenous, especially when  I'm making Broiled Pork steaks and roasties for hubby's supper....but again....nope.

Now I admit, I did have a bit of a tummy growl when one of the girls on Corrie was standing there with a package of Fig Rolls with her brew....but I got over it.
and here it is almost bedtime and guess what? I lived thru the day with not a morsel going in my mouth. That's 1500 cals saved.
Tomorrow, I will get up have a slice of toast and an egg. Then when hubby gets up around noon we will run into town and do errands and have a bite out somewhere. I'll eat normally- whatever I want but not overdoing it of course, then home and a very light supper. Maybe a sammich or a couple pieces of fruit.

Then Sunday will be a famine day again. That's going to be the really tough day for me. The day I usually do a nice Sunday dinner with meat and potatoes and gravy and rolls. But it will be okay.

I weighed this morning and I will see how much I lose at the end of the month.

Stay Tuned.

Hard Day...

It's been a truly difficult day.

I got in to work...so far behind it's not even funny.  But I worked diligently despite the programs I was using freezing up and having to restart the entire system 10 times.... honestly, I'm not even joking. 10 times. Nightmare.

I finally was on the verge of tears and decided to go grab a quick coffee and check my blogs.

And there it was. The End.  Michael's farewell to his blog. Tears welled up and I quickly read it as I walked back to my desk with my coffee in hand. (Michael, I'm not writing this to make you feel bad...honestly, I know I will still hear from you and that's fine altho I will miss your blog terribly as I have already said.)  So I get myself under control....do another hours work and as I'm on another call, a voicemail pops up on my desk phone.
As soon as I finish the call I'm on I tap in my code for my voicemail and listen to it.

It was a sweet little Irish lady informing me of her name, her husband's name- who the appointment was for,  and the fact that we wouldn't need to do an inspection of equipment tomorrow as her husband had passed away two weeks ago- whilst she was in the hospital herself. Her voice broke as she said that and she began crying as she said the equipment had been collected just yesterday. She then thanked me and hung up. It broke my heart the raw emotion in her voice and I completely lost it. My throat closed up and my eyes filled with tears and rolled down my cheeks and I tried unsuccessfully to get my emotions under control. I was sobbing. That one bit of emotion  brought all the pain and grief of Daddy and Clay's passing back like it was yesterday. 
My office mate, Tom asked if I was okay and I shook my head, trying desperately to get back in control of my emotions.
The lady had left out one vital bit of information and I had to call her back to get it so we could cancel the appointment and hopefully not cause her more anguish than she was already going thru.

I quickly walked to the ladies room and sobbed for a full twenty minutes before I could get myself back in control. I splashed water on my face-  wiped off the mascara that was ruined, and walked back to my desk. I sat down and picked up the phone....and immediately felt my throat start closing up again. I put the phone down. I sat there for another 5 minutes occupying myself with a bit of my other work. I picked up the phone again. I hesitated and put it down again. I worked another few minutes on my spreadsheet.

I finally felt able to make the call, so I tapped in the number and waited. She answered and I introduced myself and  apologized as I explained I just needed to get one vital bit of information from her so I could  cancel the appointment. I needed her address and postcode.  My voice broke. I was having the worst time ever trying to hold myself together to finish that conversation. She apologized for not remembering to leave that info and I told her I completely understood and was so sorry for her loss. She gave me the information I needed and apologized again and thanked me for the concern. And then she asked me if I was alright. I told her yes ma'am. I had suffered a loss too and I understood what she was going thru. I then told her we would get the appointment canceled and she shouldn't be receiving anymore appointment letters from us in future. And we hung up. And I started crying again.

Tomorrow has got to be better, ......right?

Sad Day

Today, I came online to read my daily dose of reading happiness- otherwise known as reading my favorite blogs.

I went to my usual first- In Dodd We Trust- and found the author has decided to call it quits after 10 years of blogging.
He had given us fair warning that he was thinking about doing it a few short weeks ago- and I have been trying to get used to the idea of not having it to read- even tho a good many times it's just a photo. But it's always a photo that makes you THINK about the symbolism.

Truthfully, I am heartbroken, but I totally understand that we all need a break once in a while - even from the things we enjoy most.

To Michael- I say (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont go!!!) - I mean-enjoy your time away. It has been a pure joy to have you as a part of my blog-life these past years. You have given me insight to things in life I might never have known otherwise.
You will be greatly missed.

Thank you.
And please don't be a stranger.

Hugs,
Sunny x

Blackout

Im home with a migraine today.

How oh how I wish we had blackout curtains to put up!!!

Someday, I shall have them in my whole house.

My hubby has booked my flight home for November. Im looking forward to being home with the rest of the ones I love.
I'm going to surprise my mom....I'm telling her I'm flying in the night before Thanksgiving...but I'm going to surprise her by showing up a couple of days early.

That's all that's new in my world....and about as much light from the laptop as I can deal with for one day.

Prayers for all the people involved in the Orlando shooting. My heart goes out to them all.

Bullet-Proof...NOT!

I just watched a video of a shooting incident at the baggage area of Dallas Love Airport. (Video: Bryan Armstrong/@FlashyFilms_)

In it there are people all around- outside- and when the gunshots are fired the people just stop and look around and start asking what's going on..... More shots fired....and they are still just standing there - a couple have pulled out their phones to start vid-ing it AS the shots continue to be fired.

People were being incredibly stupid. I couldn't believe my eyes.
Even just watching the video- when I heard the shots fired- and they were LOUD because it was that close- my first instinct, even tho I was sitting in my recliner at the time, was to reach for my weapon......only I'm not law-enforcement anymore. I dont carry. I don't have a safety net to rely on. That makes me sad. More sad than you can possibly imagine.  My second instinct was to get down on the floor. And then reality came back and I was watching the video. The gunshots were a video- I and the people around me were not in any danger, I could breathe again.
I watched the video as these people just milled around trying to rubberneck instead of doing what any sane person would do- either hit the ground to avoid flying bullets or try to find a place to hide til it was safe...or quite possibly even run AWAY from the sounds of the gunfire.
Not just stand there wanting to see what's going on like they were bullet-proof. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when did cameras or phones start coming with weapon proof full body surround shields?

What is WRONG with people these days? Are we so desensitized to violence that we actually THINK we ARE bulletproof and that technology is so advanced that even if we DO get shot the doctors will  be able to patch us up good as new?????
What has happened to our flight or fight instinct? Mine's definitely not gone. I went for my weapon- then immediately upon realizing I couldn't FIGHT- my thoughts went straight to get down to (somewhat relative) safety on the ground.

We all need to sit down and have a long hard think about what to do in situations like these- they are happening more and more in the world we live in these days. Bombings....beheadings on the street, shootings in nightclubs, cafes, movie theatres.
For God's sake people- we do not live in the candy coated flower strewn world we'd like to think we do. Bad things dont only happen to others....sometimes WE ARE THE OTHERS the bad things happen to.

Think!!!! Use the brain God gave you!!!!

Rant over....ish.