I Shouldn't Have Done That.

I completely forgot the last time I watched the end of the world movie..."DEEP IMPACT".

I had nightmares for weeks.

And now I'm afraid it will be the same.

I don't know what it is that draws me to this movie every time it's on TV. Maybe it's because there's a very real possibility of it happening this way.
Amazingly, I think I would prefer to think that the end of the world would happen this way instead of us nuking each other into oblivion. I have faith that the human race isn't stupid enough to actually push those red buttons and that some other great catastrophe will be what destroys us.

I absolutely refuse to watch movies about a nuclear holocaust- I have dreams of those type nearly once a month and don't need to watch a movie that might trigger even more for me to wake up screaming to.

If I knew a comet or asteroid was headed our way and nothing could be done to stop it from impacting earth- I think I would do exactly as the mom did in DI. Have a wonderful time for as long as possible with my family, and then take a bottle of pills and just go to sleep and never wake up.

I wouldn't wait for the impact- and I wouldn't do it the messy way by cutting my wrists or shooting myself or anything like that. Too messy- and too painful. And besides- with my luck I would somehow manage to mess it up and end up living and in a state of being that would render me unable to try and finish the job properly.
Yeah, I'm a coward when it comes to pain. I admit it.

But my main reason for doing it would be that I couldn't bear the thought of being alive when it happened and knowing my family was going to die in the event.
I have already almost lost all three of my children......my daughter when she was giving birth to her first child, my eldest son when he was born, and my baby boy in an auto accident when he was 15. He still has a splintered piece of his skull embedded in the lining of his brain that was too dangerous to try and remove.
And I cannot imagine the pain of KNOWING that they were actually going to perish in an event...the pain of just coming CLOSE to knowing how close they came still makes my heart hurt to think about it.

Paulius has a different idea of how he would handle the event situation.......he would want to go out in a blaze of glory- rushing headlong into the danger- surfing the wave as the tidal wave came in- or watching the fireworks directly under the impact point should it hit land. I wish I had half the courage he does. I might could deal with being there with him if I was in his arms- but instead of staring it in the face and thumbing my nose at it- I would be hiding my head on his shoulder, crying and trembling with terror. Not of death-that doesn't scare me, the process of dying and not knowing what happens does.

I like to know exactly what's going on and the mechanics of it before i commit to anything. And I don't think that would possible. I mean you could tell me that impact wouldn't hurt- it would be over in a millisecond- but can you prove it to me?
A bottle of pills is a guaranteed thing, you take them, you go to sleep- your body shuts down.
One second you're sleeping, the next you're gone, dead.

Enough about that stuff.
Now I need a feel good movie or comedy routine to watch before I go to sleep.
Anyone got a good joke?