Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Losing Track.........'s been an odd few days this past week.

I'm still recovering from the flu. You know- the actual "Sick" part of it wasnt bad at all- but the lingering fatigue has just thrown me for a loop. Whereas I was sleeping about 5-7 hours a day before- I'm now sleeping closer to 12-14 hours a day......sometimes with a nap in between big sleeps!! My housework has gotten WAYYYY behind, but luckily I have a wonderful hubby who understands and tries to help me out as much as I will let him-(which luckily for him isn't much because I'm so damn anal about the way things are done. Life would be SOOO much easier on me if I just let GO of some of that freaky stuff, but I've tried and it just creeps back up on me.)
Anyway........Yesterday evening I had about two hours before my regular show(Biggest Loser) came on and since Paul was playing a game on the XBox and I was bored with sitting around resting and goofing on the computer- I thought- "GREAT!!! I have two hours, I can go clean the kitchen and have plenty of rest-time in between when I get tired." So off I go to the kitchen and when I looked under the sink to get a trash bag to replace the one in the bin, the entire cabinet floor was dripping wet. Oh Crap. The faucet was leaking again, so that meant changing the washers again.
No biggie-right???

What should have been a 5 minute job actually turned into a two HOUR job because of several factors. We couldn't find the washers. When we did find them, none were the right size since we had bought a assortment pack of them and used the only ONE in the pack that was the right size LAST time we had to fix the stupid thing. Then we had to figure out our finances since we are still playing catch-up from me being out of work with the flu for that week. Then we had to drive to LOWES and buy the stupid washers.THAT was a story in itself. But I'll let Paulius tell you about that one if he wants to.......
Anyway, then we drove home and Paul proceeded to repair the faucet while I ranted and raved about what a money pit this place is and how we could have moved a dozen times on the money we've put into repairs and improvements and how we'd be better off just jacking the place up and sliding another in it's place.
He finally looked at the clock and told me my show was on and I should go watch it while he finished up repairs in the kitchen.
I love that man!
So needless to say, I didn't get the kitchen cleaned last night after all because when the show was over- we went to bed shortly after. The fan is still on, blowing under the sink drying it out and when that finishes, we have to spray it down with bleach so mold and mildew won't set in.
I hope I get better soon or I'm not gonna have the strength to decorate for the holidays.

Okay......... so in response to Pauls post about self-esteem.
My problem seems to be I have good self-esteem altho I'm not at all happy with being overweight. I realize I am who I am regardless of what I weigh, and life will not automatically become all Rainbows and Butterflies when I lose the weight like some people suggest.
Yeah, some of my health issues will get better, but no one is going to like me more when I am thin because, face it, everybody loves me just the way I am now...... and I'm not going to have a better job and be making more money.
All that's going to happen is I'm going to still be living my life the way I am now- only with less body to have to lug around. I'm still gonna be annoyingly me, the person who sings/whistles/hums Christmas songs all year long....the person who (like Joey on FRIENDS) can make anything slightly sexual.......the person who loves to try new recipes and bring the results to work for her co-workers to give their opinions of........the person who procrastinates, about a LOT of things........the person who loves her family and adores her friends and tries to be a shoulder for whoever needs it, the woman who almost worships the ground her hubby walks on.

But I'm me- I'm happy with me even tho I am overweight and would like to change that. Does that make me more complacent to losing the weight? Probably......but then , some of the worst things in my life have happened to me when I was thin, and when I start getting attention when I do lose a few pounds, it reminds me of those times and I gain the weight back. It's become a huge roadblock for me, even tho I KNOW I'm much more prepared to handle a situation MUCH better than I did in the past. Lots of lessons and weapons have helped in that area.

So someday soon I'm going to be able to get past the obstacles and forget the past....or at least be able to put the past behind me and move forward. Soon.

Okay...I admit it- I somehow lost track of where I was going with this somewhere in the middle of it. Dangitt....That happen a lot too. Oh well.

1 comment:

Evan 08 said...

Sounds like you have a healthy self-esteem... you like the things you like, but you realize and accept your weaknesses. That's how is SHOULD be. In conjunction with that, there's a realization that you can make improvements... or not. That's a healthy self-image by the sounds of it