Just DO It

This is probably gonna seem weird after my last posting.....but the only way to change something you're not happy with is to just put your mind to it and DO it. This article says it nicely in addition to what I have to say here.

Not happy with your job? ....then look around and find another and change jobs.
Not happy because you're unemployed? Look and keep looking until you find one. Go out and talk to managers face to face so they KNOW and REMEMBER you when they DO have an opening come up.
Not happy because you live in a crappy place or want a newer car? Then save your pennies and stop buying stuff you really don't NEED and move or buy a new car when you get enough saved up.
Not happy that you're fat? Then stop eating junk and get off your ass and excersize.

Don't let anyone come between you and your dreams. You only get ONE chance at this life- so don't screw it up by standing by and letting crap luck walk all over you. Fight Back!!!!!

Those three little words make all the difference in changing your life and being happy or not....so

JUST DO IT!!!!!
(Thanks Nike!!!!!)

Breathe In.........

Once Again.....



Breathe In........

Breathe Out........



Breathe In.............

Breathe Out............


It's just another "Thing" in the long list of "Things" that have went wrong in my life....my ENTIRE life...over and over and over again.

You'd think I would be used to "Things" going wrong after 50 years.....well, I'm NOT. Nor do i think I ever WILL be.
What bothers me most- is why in the hell I ever decided to have kids or marry Paul and drag them into my effed up excuse of a life. They have done nothing to deserve being tainted by my crappy karma, or fortune, or curse...whatever you wanna describe it as.

Breathe In.......................................



Breathe Out..................................... and hold...........forever.
:-P

Annoyance # 784

People using the phrase "I could care less" when they actually mean "I COULDN'T care less!!!!

ARGGGGGGggggGGGGGGGG!!!!

Owww- Yay!!!

Denture Adventure continues. ...

I'm slowly graduating back up to firmer foods- but mostly still sticking to softer stuff.

Upside- weighed today and I'm down another 3 pounds...that's 15 pounds total since the dental procedure....... and it's not only weight- I've lost inches as well!!! At least I have ONE bright shiny thing to come from all this pain!!

Hopefully in a couple months, I won't even think about it anymore.

I'm working all weekend- so nothing much is going on with me here at Casa de Malone. Next week I have PLANS tho- BIG Spring Clean!!!!! (and a bit of plumbing work- but my son, Frank is doing that for us, I think!!)

Hey- isn't next weekend Easter??????

Denture Adventure......

Well, I went to the dentist Friday and he planed off a good bit of the flange on my denture. He then advised me to go home, take them out for the rest of the night, and then over the next week to take them out as much as I could in my downtime so my damaged gums could heal a bit- but to still wear them a good while every day, as well. He also advised me to start eating- soft foods- and gave me some suggestions of what to start out with. Makes me wonder just how much weight I've lost that the dentist knew I wasn't eating...or maybe he's just seen enough of it he knew from experience that was what was happening.

When I've had to put the dentures in to go out in public, I've lubed my gums up with a lil bit of Ambesol Gel to kill the raw spots on my gums so I don't cry when there are people around.

I'm still working on the eating thing. Night before last, Paul made a wonderful pork tenderloin that melted in your mouth with mashed potatoes and gravy and a soft roll, and by cutting the meat into tiny, tiny pieces I was able to eat dinner just fine!!! And then yesterday, I actually managed to eat a Three Musketeers bar and a bowl of Italian Wedding Soup. And the chocolate bar- well, let's just say that I got it at 9 PM and I'm still SAVORING it at.....1:45 AM, as I'm writing this. I THINK this is probably the way you should eat chocolate anyway....savoring it instead of wolfing it.

We went to JITB yesterday on the way home from the supermarket where I ordered an order of Fries and an iced coffee. Unfortunately, I was unable to eat any of the fries because I seriously underestimated the power of the pain of my raw gums being rubbed by the dentures.

Everything tastes different, too. Not different enough to think..."OH God- what the hell is THIS?", but different enough where you have to look to make sure it's what you thought you were eating.
Annoying, but do-able.

I just want this newness period to be O-V-E-R. I can't call it a "Honeymoon Phase" in ANY way, shape or form.
And I just want to say again...the worst part of it has to be that I can't talk NEARLY as much as I usually do because of the stupid raw gums. And I can't whistle anymore either.

On the upside- I have pretty straight white teeth that aren't falling out of my mouth, and I don't have an overbite anymore either. And my teeth aren't sensitive to hot or cold foods anymore either!!

So as soon as my gums heal- I can eat pretty much anything I like....as long as I can figure out what that is.

OMG I HURT !!!!

OMG- I hurt all over. This is sooo not good. I haven't hurt like this since I was in hospital with the kidney infection a couple/three years ago.

I'll be heading back down to Greenwood for an adjustment first thing in the morning. My mouth feels like it has shards of glass against my gums. I know it's gonna be uncomfortable- but that isn't the way it's supposed to hurt. I wish it wasn't so late I couldn't go today. I'd just head down there and go straight to work from there.

My tummy is aching, my head is pounding, and my breath smells like infection and I just feel like laying down and sleeping thru til the dentist office opens in the morning. So I know to go straight to the dentist first thing in the morning and not let things get worse.

Oh God- why does crappy stuff keep happening to me all the time? Sorry about the pity party, but I can't help it- I just hurt soooo bad and want it to stop.

Giving It A Whirl....

Well, I went to the dentist Monday- got all 14 uppers pulled and my new dentures in. I can talk but it's extremely painful to do so after only a few sentences. (Lucky Paul!!) My face is swollen some, my gums and cheeks feel like someone took a sledgehammer to them.....even with seriously good painkillers they still throb. But I'm going to try going into work tonight. I'm waiting til I get to work to take the pain meds so I wont be driving while under the influence, and I wont take one til I get home in the morning for the same reason. I'm praying I have a quiet night with VERY little going on so I can (hide-out/relax) for most of the night. Wish me luck!!

On the bright side- I don't have the slight overbite I used to have and my teeth are all straight and pretty now!!! That part I LOVE!!!! And I'll probably lose a goodly amount of weight before it's all said and done. That part I'm HOPING FOR!!!

Hopefully by Monday I'll be right as rain and be able to talk again. Maybe even be able to eat a sammich, too.

Made Me LMAO!!!

E Trade Baby commercials always make me laugh. My top 3 are Jealous Girlfriend, The Clown Factor, and Shankapotomus,...aka The golf baby.



I want an E-TRADE BABY!!!

Serenity Prayer Is Just SO Not Working For Me.....

Why does it seem I am constantly on the other side of the fence with someone?

Why do I constantly have to do battle with the people I love? Everyone tells me to not stress, to relax before I have a stroke or heart attack. How can I when if I do what makes me not stress on one front, it causes me stress on another? Why can I not make myself happy instead of stressing about who I am going to upset by doing so? And right now I am stressing about three people in my life.
Seriously, even with all the red tape it would take to do so- I would move to England in a skinny fucking minute if we had the opportunity. That would take me out of the equation of ALL the situations. And I think Paul would be happier there as well.

Yes, I realize that it would be tantamount to running away from my problems. And Lord knows I've NEVER been a quitter. But I've fought my battles and done my time and think I'm entitled to run away just ONCE in my life. I have fought and done battle since the day I left home when I was 19. I've fought to stay alive, fought to keep my kids safe when they were growing up (and beyond), fought to be able to work and be independent, fought to get out of debt, fought to have a house, fought to have a husband that didn't do me wrong (finally got that one won!), fought to keep my sanity when I lost two of my loved ones so close together, and now I'm fighting to keep my head above water til things get back on track again. But I fear I'm fighting battles that have no winning side this time.

I'm trying to help one family member battle their demons and stay alive so I don't bury another loved one- but at the same time I'm trying to not do too much for them so they can at some point in the near future, finally make it on their own, something that is looking less likely every day.
I'm trying to help another battle their demons but helping the first one, even minimally, is hurting my relationship with the second.
Then the third is battling a medical/mental problem and thinks everyone is against them and if I upset them, they have the authority to make us move, something we cannot afford to do at the moment unless we are willing to live on a razors edge budget. And to not upset this person, it means I have to not only deal with all my siblings upset- but to be going against what is best for that third person as well.
Lose-Lose all round.


Even writing this is going to cause me more stress. It's no longer a place I can vent because everyone I know reads it and takes offense to whatever I write because either they see themselves in it- or they THINK they see themselves in it. And that causes me to stress too.
For the record, sometimes I just think stuff up and write about it. And sometimes it's what's actually going ON in my life. And sometimes it's someone else who's having the problems and they ask my opinion and I write about it and get feedback for them. And sometimes, it's just what's going on in my life. (I know- I put that in there twice...intentionally.)
Maybe I should just put one of those disclaimers in my heading....you know- like the ones in movies that say "The events and characters depicted in this blog are fictional. Any resemblance (Thanks Evan!!!!) to anyone, dead or alive, is purely coincidental."

I'm weary of the constant battles. I deserve some peace in my life. I'm 50 years old and have been battling for the last 31 years. I want and deserve some calm and quiet in my life. It's not too much to ask...is it?