As I turned into the came driveway that leads past my parents house to go to my home on the back side of the property, I had to do a double take.
What once was a beautiful 8 acre country mini-estate with lovely trees and shrubs seems to have become a barren wasteland. Dead leaves littering the hills and hollows of the yard, no flowering shrubs, no lush lawn. In its place is a picture of death and decline.
Bare tree limbs reach towards a cold, gray sky. The lawn, once green and soft and perfect for playing games or just reclining to watch the clouds float by have turned brown and lifeless.
The driveway, always a bit rustic, is now littered with pot-holes made by a woman who makes one hole to fill another, just to keep her mind off the passing of the man she loved for over 50 years.
In the orchard that surrounds the main house the trees stand naked,their limbs drooping forlornly towards the earth, as if begging for attention. The grapevines in the small vinyard hang forgotten, patiently waiting for their long over-due pruning.
The orange-gold Cub tractor sits under the shop shed, eagerly awaiting the return of the man who kept it is such good shape, ready to begin the yearly chore of tilling of the soil for the small garden that was so lovingly planted each spring.
This used to be such a place of love and life when my Dad was alive. There seems to be little of that here now. Everyone is moving away. Moving on. And the only thing that seems to be left here is the memories of my Dad and a time that will never be again. That CAN never be again. Not like it was.
I want to move away from this place of memories. I don't know how my Mom can live in that house with all the memories of their life together. All the pictures. All the 50 years of possessions and treasures. maybe the memories are what keeps her going, but for me-It breaks my heart just to be up there for a couple hours. I don't want to live among the memories any longer.
I know that me being ill this week has a lot to do with my mood at the moment. I know the pain of losing my dad will ease eventually. Having the most wonderful husband to hold me and comfort me when I feel sad is the most wonderful thing that I could ask for and I love Paulius and appreciate him more than words can say- and he knows this.
But right now, I miss my Daddy.
7 comments:
OH Sunny. I'm sooo sorry you are feeling all this. I wish I could take you out for a coffee and talk aobut your Dad and the happy memories you shared. Your Mom is just doing her best. I'm sure you needs those memeries around her. Although it would be hard.
BIG CYBER HUGS
Sharon
Sunny,
What a moving tribute to a wonderful father. I'm sorry you see sadness in this light and hope that you can find a bit of peace somewhere in your pain.
Sending hugs.
Your Sisterfriend,
L
Look for signs of spring. Spring brings a renewed sense of life. Your mom and dad's house will never be the same because he is no longer there, but maybe in the spring you can see the life, and focus on your father's life, not his death.
Beautifully written. Feels sincere and true. How's the writing project coming?
SCM- Thanks for hugs.
Lois- Thanks for the call today. Fell worse than ever. going back to bed. Chat tommorrow if I feel better?
Ozzy- Can't wait for spring. I think this is going to be a hard year thru every season. Spring was time for dad to plant- the time of year he loved most. Summer was his grass cutting season-any day it wasn't raining you could find him out on the tractor cutting his 8 acres with his baby blue fishing hat and sunglasses on. Autumn was the time of year he loved cutting his wood and getting it inside for the upcoming winter. He loved all the leaf raking and such that you do in the yard.
winter was a time for doing his inside projects. And he loved the holidays with his family.
Thanks for the encouragement, Ozzy.
MC- the writing project is going well...or was until this virus hit me last week. Now it's on the back burner til I feel well again. Probally next week. Thanks for asking.
Hugs, so sorry you're feeling blue.
Topcat
I'm sorry for your pain, Sunny. I hope time and the solace of your husband and family helps ease it over time.
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