I can't take credit for this post-and I don't know where it came from- just let me say to whoever dreamed this one up- it's FANTASTIC and you must work for the same company I do.
Here it is.........
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New Company Policy
DRESS CODE
You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so you may buy nicer clothes, therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are exactly where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are certainly able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.
BATHROOM BREAKS
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three minute time limit in the stall. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet-paper roll will retract, the stall door will swing open and a picture will be taken. After the second offense, you picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
LUNCH BREAKS
Skinny people will get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so they look healthy. Normal sized people will get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figures.
Chubby people will get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a
Slim-Fast.
Thank you all for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. therefore, all questions, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, accusations, contemplations, consternations and other input should be directed elsewhere.
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In other words.... Come in- Sit down- Shut up- and SLAVE AWAY.
4 comments:
I wonder, all things considered with my work, if I should post this in my backroom....
The sick days part reminds me of my mom - "If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to do anything else."
No Joke- my mom used to say the same thing. No phone, no TV, no anything. She was always cool about if I kept my grades in the A-B level I could have one day a 9 week period to take off just to have a day off, tho. Usually I just sunned all day and relaxed or me and he would go visit one of my aunts and do lunch together.
She was great!!
That's great! As to your above post, sounds like you had an evenful drive home..
Serendipity- I actually saw that on a co-workers bulletin board at work and copied it down to post for you guys. I don't have a clue as to where it came from. How you see it is how i found it on her board.
Mark-Thank you. And I fully intend to do a fresh one like that soon! I don't usually do re-posts- but I have been soooo busy and so tired after being ill I just have been half-a$$ing things lately til I recuperate fully.
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