Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Ever have one of those days when you just feel like crap?

Having one today. All this stuff going on in my life is driving me absolutely nuts. Seriously.

I like my new job, but there are days when I just don't wanna go in. I sleep about four hours and then get up and take care of housework and run errands....whatever needs doing. I also worry about what is going to screw up next with all the paperwork that Paulius and I am going thru right now. Then I have to take an hours or so nap before I go back to work at night.

Usually we have company when it's time for me to nap before work. And sometimes, like last night, it really gets to me that while everyone else is in here visiting and having a grand time in each others company- I can't be with them because I have to get sleep so I won't doze off while I'm at work. I can't afford to lose my job. And then I get to get up and go off to work and everyone is still here visiting and still having a good time.

It just doesn't seem fair. And when it really gets to me- I go off the deep end.
I apologize for that. I just wish they would realize that it really hurts my feelings that they don't have a tiny bit more consideration and empathy for me.
I wish I could go to bed late and the get up late and be able to sit with them and have a good time. But I can't.

I made a promise to my husband that he wouldn't want for a thing and I would take care of everything until his paperwork got straightened out and he was able to work. And I meant it. Paulius means more to me than anything in this world and that will never change.
I just wish there were a few more hours in the day so we could spend time doing things we WANT to do instead of things that have to be done.

I just keep telling myself that soon everything will be straightened out with his paperwork- and my family will at some point become somewhat normal again, and everything will be fine again and we won't have to stress so much.

I'lll try not to go off the deep end again.

4 comments:

MC Etcher said...

Some days are like that, unfortunately.

Knowing how cheerful you are normally, I think you'll bounce back soon!

Lois said...

Hey Girl,
Everybody's allowed a rant now and then so don't feel too guilty. You take care of a lot of people all of the time and are stretched to the max!

Take care of my Sunny.

Sunny said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sunny said...

MC- thanks. I just feel like lately it's getting harder to hold on to that cheerful optimistic feeling.

Lois-Allowed a rant, yes- going off like I did- totally unacceptable.

I am stretched tho and I am going to tone it down a few notches. I wil not let this get to me like that again.