In All Honesty......

I just don't feel very well.

Sure- I smile and laugh and try not to think about how crappy I feel now....I try and ignore the tightness in my chest- and my stupid heartbeat that races like a freaking thoroughbred horse sometimes and the absolute total exhaustion I feel. I force myself to go on about my daily life as always. I don't have time to be sick. I have a job, and housework to do, and bills to pay, and a family and wonderful husband who I want to spend time with and do things with.

I'm not going to stop living just because I'm having health problems..... if anything- it makes me think about my life being probably half over- if not a bit more than- and all the things I have left to do on my "Bucket List". I can't just give up and become an invalid, can I??? No- I certainly can't. And I won't.

What I will try to do- and am doing more of- is to take it a bit easier, not stressing so much about all the things I can do nothing about...... and letting things work themselves out more, rather than trying to be Super Mom, or Wonder Woman or Mother Theresa and fixing all the Worlds Woes.
I've realized that I'm only one person and I just can't do it all- altho nothing would make me happier than if that were possible.

I'm only me....Not the Goddess I claim to be to any & all who will listen.
I wish it were different- but it's not.
I'm only me...Plain old ordinary Sunny, Vada, Sissy and Mama. Just me.