Thursday, October 13, 2005

having a bit of a bad week....

Maybe some of you can tell me.....

Is it normal for me to start crying at the drop of a hat?

Like when I hear a train whistle blow?
Or when I see my Dads tractor sitting beside the shed?

Is it normal for me to be having nightmares almost everynight about people that I love dying?

Is it normal for me to be so clingy?
When my kids come to visit me and they say they have to leave- is it normal for me to start another conversation so I can keep them with me as long as possible?
And do it several times before they actually get to leave?(I'm afraid that if I keep doing this they will stop coming by as much and I surely don't want THAT to happen.)

Is it normal for me to almost have panic attacks when anyone I love is out of my sight- that I'm afraid that at any moment another person I love could be taken away from me?

I don't understand why I am doing these things. It's not like Dad had a heart attack or just passed away in his sleep with no warning....we knew for years that this was coming- and we knew for several weeks it could be at any minute.

Why am I not handling this with more maturity and poise?

I am glad he's not in pain and suffering anymore- but



OzzyC said...

Perfectly normal.

MC Etcher said...


It's ok to be sad!

It would be wrong if you weren't!

Silver Creek Mom said...

OH sunny...Sending out hugs HUGES here. How can you not miss the man that was your first love? You have to grieve not matter if you knew it was coming or not...

Sending Majour Cyber Hugs

Vicarious Living said...

It will get better Sunny. It works differently for all of us. 6 years later and I STILL want my daddy. Hang in there. The people around you understand and love you!

Pseudo-intellectual lunatic said...

i empathize with ur nightmares i've been having the same